Great Tang: I’ll Come Clean, I’m a Descendant of Shennong

After transmigrating into the Tang Dynasty, I became an undocumented outsider who couldn’t even afford enough to eat.

No problem. It’s time to come clean!

I’m a descendant of Shennong, and the Tang Dynasty’s one and only druid!

Li Shimin: “My dear subject, the royal treasury is empty and the people are starving. What are we to do?”

Me: “Don’t worry, Your Majesty. Try this thing called a potato. It’ll fill you right up!”

Fang Xuanling: “Sir, locusts are swarming, and a thousand miles of land lie barren. Heaven means to destroy our Tang Dynasty!”

Me: “What’s there to panic about? With one command, every bird in the land will flock here. I guarantee not a single locust will be left!”

Zhangsun Wuji: “You brat, you’re a nobody. How dare you set your sights on Princess Changle?”

Me: “You old fool, believe me when I say I can cut off your Zhangsun family’s food supply by tomorrow? Say one more word and I’ll break your son’s legs. You won’t find a doctor who can fix them!”

Years later, Li Shimin, whose precious daughter I’d run off with, looked at a map showing the Tang Dynasty’s territory had grown threefold and could only grit his teeth and admit:

“Worth it!”