Ding! Your Little Assistant for Getting Yourself Killed is online!
Ying Fan, a burned-out office worker, opens his eyes to find himself the Ninth Prince in the Cold Palace of a fantasy version of the Qin Empire. His mother has been sacrificed to the heavens, his father doesn't love him, his brothers plot against him, and from the start all he has is a threadbare blanket, with enemies lurking everywhere.
Just as he worries he won't survive three episodes, the most infuriating System in history drops out of the sky.
Ying Fan: “...You can have this blessing if you want it!”
To avoid being “physically escorted to the afterlife” by the System, Ying Fan is forced to get to work.
Summon He Shen to make money? The portly man rubs his hands together and grins. “Your Highness, first we'll embezzle... I mean, budget the Imperial Kitchen's funds!”
Summon Shen Lian to gather intelligence? The stone-faced Embroidered Uniform Guard kneels on one knee. “Your Highness, the Third Prince used the toilet seven times last night. He may have a hidden ailment. I've attached a diagram to the report, hand-drawn by a spy.”
Farm, fight wars, and build infrastructure? Young Zhuge Liang flourishes his feather fan. “My lord, this is the ‘Eastern Wind Express’ formation I developed. Free shipping, straight to the skies for the enemy!”
From then on, the Qin Empire's whole style takes a wild turn:
Rebellious ministers besiege the court? Yuhuatian's secret agents drop from the sky and elegantly toss out a ledger of embezzlement. “My lord, your wig is crooked.”
Immortals descend from the Celestial Court? Ying Fan fires up the “Anti-996 Blessings Formation.” The celestial soldiers cry, “We want time off!” and collectively slack off!
With rewards from the System and plenty of snark, Ying Fan summons a host of Chinese historical celebrities as his left-hand workforce, while using his right hand to unlock the technology tree of his imperial dynasty:
From [Kingdom] to [Imperial Dynasty], the golden dragon of national fortune grows from an earthworm into a loach.
From [Imperial Realm] to [Divine Dynasty], the loach finally becomes a nine-clawed ancestral dragon, dominating the heavens!
Sitting on the dragon throne, Ying Fan lights a cigarette with a weary sigh. “I just wanted to coast, but the System forced me to become a Divine Emperor...”
“Fine, then don't blame me for wiping out immortal kingdoms with a snap of my fingers, suppressing demon gods with a wave of my hand, and making all the realms honor my Great Qin as the eternal Divine Dynasty!”
