When Chen Mo wakes up, he discovers he has transmigrated to the Qin Dynasty with an immortality buff: he won’t age or die, but he can still get hungry, feel pain, fall ill, and even lose his hair!
As a top history student, he rubs his hands together, ready to make his mark: Take out Zhao Gao before he can cause trouble? Fusu absolutely has to be saved! The Qin Empire can’t fall after just two generations! But reality quickly teaches him a lesson
He tries to stop the burning of books and burying of scholars, only to be mistaken for a Confucian and chased through the streets;
He wants to tip Xiang Yu off about the Feast at Hong Gate, but gets mistaken for a spy and beaten up;
In the Tang Dynasty, he tries to pass off poems by Li Bai and Du Fu as his own to look like a refined talent, but gets caught by the poets themselves after just two lines;
In the Song Dynasty, he plans to invent gunpowder and usher in the age of firearms early, but nearly blows himself sky-high...
Over two thousand years, from the Qin Dynasty to the modern era, Chen Mo has been:
A fangshi whom Qin Shi Huang took for a con man (“At least Xu Fu managed to scam a ship out of someone. You can’t even swindle a single copper coin!”)
A servant kicked out of the Feast at Hong Gate for sneaking pork knuckles (“Xiang Zhuang’s dancing with a sword? Don’t block my view of the food!”)
A taste tester for Yang Guifei’s lychee deliveries (his diarrhea makes him question the meaning of life)
A low-ranking soldier under Yue Fei, dismissed for being too afraid to die (“The Jin troops aren’t even here yet, and you’re already playing dead?!”)
A bookkeeper at Heshen’s residence, fired for being terrible at flattery (“My lord, even an elementary school student could fake these accounts better than you.”)
Whenever he tries to use his “foresight” to change history, things go wrong for all sorts of absurd reasons:
He’s just about to warn Zhu Di to beware of Tumu Fortress when he falls into the moat himself;
He wants to deliver a world map to Lin Zexu, but gets mistaken for a British spy;
At long last, he manages to get close to the Guangxu Emperor
This is the most ridiculous short story I've ever written using Taobao! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
It's alright, just a historical record that reads like a diary.