I Sell Sea Cucumbers, and You Want Me to Coach in the Premier League?

What? The national team lost to Indonesia again? Have they no shame?

What did you say? The Sea Cucumber Association is going to advise the Jiangsu Super League?

Don't be ridiculous. Their guidance nearly ruined the Village Super League!

The Football Association leaders were furious. How could the team lose even to Indonesia? What would that do to the Association's reputation?

Everyone says outsiders shouldn't tell insiders how to do their jobs. So why not find someone who's a complete outsider?

They won't let us advise the Village Super League or the Jiangsu Super League?

They're thinking too small. If they won't let us advise them, we don't care.

If we're going to advise a team, let's advise a top one. Let's take on a Premier League club.

Coach Lippi? What, he's fallen out with us? Gao Hongbo? What? He's too disappointed to come back?

How about Mourinho?

“Leader, that Special One has quite a temper. We can't handle him!”

“Then we need someone who'll listen!”

“How about Xiong Laonian, who supplies our sea cucumbers? We've worked with him for over a decade, and he's always been very cooperative!”

“Leader, you're confused. He doesn't have a coaching license!”

“You're the one who's confused! What do we do for a living? A coaching license is no big deal!”

“But he's just a sea cucumber salesman. He doesn't know how to coach!”

“Exactly! Then let's see who dares call us outsiders telling insiders what to do!”

Damn