The Archaeologist Owes Cthulhu His Internet Bill

Archaeology grad student Qi Xingqiong unearths a bronze artifact at Sanxingdui that plays “The Most Dazzling Ethnic Style,” only to be strong-armed into one absurd deal after another by big shots from the Three Realms. The Jade Emperor’s merit-loan app forcibly links to Huabei, Odin’s Valkyries use Maxwell’s equations to analyze Thor’s hammer, and Cthulhu spams bargain-hunting links from Pinduoduo at the bottom of the sea. To survive the impending “Ragnarok 2.0,” Qi Xingqiong has no choice but to devise a bizarre set of survival rules: subdue thousand-year-old zombies with pepper spray, give Hastur a manicure with a Luoyang shovel, and turn Nezha’s Wind Fire Wheels into a balance scooter. When cultivation meets cyberpunk, the Heavenly Court work chat goes berserk: How are mortals these days even better at stirring things up than the gods? (Warning: Cultivation is risky. Join the group at your own peril. The Queen Mother has disabled chat for everyone.)