I Become a Master Thief in the Hokage World, and Snake Bro Goes Mad

Tomato readers, you guys won't believe this!

I woke up to find myself in the middle of the Third Shinobi World War, on the eve of the Battle of Kannabi Bridge between Konoha and the Hidden Stone!

Me, Xu Dachun, a Genin for a thousand years, a pathetic loser who barely managed to graduate from Konoha Academy, can only throw kunai and have a half-dead Shadow Clone Scroll. How is that any different from getting myself killed?

Ding! System activated. The Myriad Worlds Divine Thief System has been bound. It can randomly steal items or skills from the Myriad Worlds.

Xu Dachun's eyes lit up. "System-sama, do you have a starter gift pack?"

"Ding! Yes..."

[This is a comedy. You decide whether there'll be a harem: System + multiple heroines + growth + cautious development + comedy + shamelessness + battles + characters with working brains]

What? I actually stole some big shot's infant beast milk. Is he going to split me in half when he grows up?

Snake Uncle: "This Sunflower Manual is a divine technique. I wonder if you'd like it? What, Snake Uncle actually mastered the Sunflower Manual?"

Tsunade: "I've seen his weapon. It's really big."

Hidden Stone Village: "The Springtime of Konoha, that disgrace of a ninja, is about to turn our Hidden Stone Village into a village of eunuchs."