After a Century of Check-Ins, My Beautiful Master Exposed Me

Every day I squat under the locust tree on the back hill to clock in, and the rewards from this damn system are getting more and more outrageous. Yesterday it was a chamber pot that could fart and sing, today it's glowing underwear. I, a dignified seven-foot-tall man, am living like a junk collector. Until the hundredth time I clocked in, I got a golden Maltesers, and my cold-faced master caught me on the spot and pulled down my pants—damn it! How did she know I had a Nine-Turn Golden Elixir that could flatten a mountain hidden in my crotch? Now this woman has me pinned down on the bed and is going to search my soul. Help! System, at least give me a teleportation talisman! I'm lying face down under the locust tree, poking at the mud with my fingers.