Reborn just 72 hours before the apocalypse, the first thing I do isn't stock up on food. I charge into a hardware store.
“Boss, bundle up those dusty coils of rope, the rusty packs of screws, and that bucket of all-purpose glue that's almost expired!”
The handyman, Old Hu, looks at me like I'm an idiot. “Li Dazhu, are you out of your damn mind? Why buy this junk?”
I hoist my entrenching tool and sneer. “When the water and power get cut off the day after tomorrow, all your precious junk will be scrap metal!”
When the Ash Virus tears the city apart, everyone else is fighting over canned food in pools of blood while I slurp instant noodles and take inventory of my strategic supplies.
“Old Hu, was that 780-yuan shovel worth it?”
“Worth it! Damn right it was! You can dig holes, cook with it, and smash a dog's head!”
Amid the apocalypse's earth-shaking chaos, I slurp down the last of my noodle broth.
“What are you panicking for? Even if the sky falls, I have to finish my noodles first. Tomorrow, I'll take you all treasure hunting!”
