To Stop the Five Barbarians from Ravaging China, Emperor Wu of Han Marches North to Slay His Ancestors

Reborn as Liu Dan, Emperor Wu of Han’s “rebellious son,” he reveals the future of the Han Dynasty from the start! One line, “Huo Qubing will die next year,” makes Liu Che faint on the spot. One line, “Wang Mang will usurp the Han, and the dynasty won’t last more than a hundred years,” makes the emperor draw his sword and hack at a pillar! Liu Che: “You said the empress’s relatives will bring down the dynasty. I’ve already killed the mother to spare the child. Isn’t that enough?!” Liu Dan: “Father, when the Eastern Han falls to the empress’s relatives... can you guess whose relative will seize the throne?” Liu Che’s sword hand trembles. “...I’ll go kill every last person surnamed Wang! Even the dogs will have to change their surname!” [Save Huo Qubing’s life. Reward: Penicillin, Han Dynasty edition] [Prevent the Witchcraft Disaster. Reward: Gunpowder formula] [Reveal Wang Mang’s usurpation. Reward: Movable-type printing (Sima Qian falls to his knees and begs, “Your Highness, please don’t take the historians’ jobs!”)] Crown Prince Liu Ju clings to Liu Dan’s leg. “Third Brother! You said Jiang Chong will get me killed in the future? I’m going to kill him right now!” Huo Qubing chases the Xiongnu chanyu with a “penicillin syringe” in hand. “His Highness said I’d live to 99! Who says I have to die young?!” When Liu Dan opens the ultimate mission, [Prevent the Five Barbarians from Ravaging China]... Liu Che kicks open the palace gates, carrying a long saber. “Hear my decree! We march north tomorrow! I’ll personally cut down every last one of the Xiongnu’s ancestors!” The old ministers throughout the court suffer collective heart attacks. “Your Majesty! The Third Prince only said yesterday that the Roman Empire would offer griffins as tribute!” When Liu Dan reveals that “Liu Bei is your eighteenth-generation descendant”... Liu Che rushes into the imperial shrine with the family genealogy in hand. “Great Ancestor! Let’s kill everyone surnamed Liu and choose a new surname!” The System flashes a red warning: [Temporal paradox detected! Mission updated: Make Zhuge Liang acknowledge you as his adoptive father!]