Ne Zha: I Am Heaven's Number One Rebel

[Comedy + Absurdity + Primordial Heavenly Court]

Nezha: Halt! I am Nezha, Third Prince of the Heavenly Court, its number-one rebel… I mean, its number-one War God! Male demons to the left, female demons to the right. Everyone, get moving and do your radio calisthenics.

Li Jing: Experience beats everything. I knew you’d try to sneak past me.

Yin Shiniang: Li Jing, if you dare lay a hand on Nezha, I’ll put three holes in you with my blade.

Erlang Shen: Brother Nezha, how about a deal? I’ll help you sneak past the guards, and you help me deal with the Jade Emperor. What do you say?

Sun Wukong: Three eyes, little bellyband, come with me. Follow me and you can eat bananas and drink peach juice. That’s better than being the Jade Emperor’s dog…

Nezha: “Monkey, let me tell you a secret. This is all part of a conspiracy…”

The Matchmaker: Third Prince, please don’t make things difficult for this old man. Even if I set you up with someone, you wouldn’t know what to do with her…

Tianpeng: Nezha, I hear your body’s made of lotus root. If I cut off a piece, will it grow back? Lend me a bit of root…

Tathagata: Benefactor Li, you have a connection with the Buddha…

Taiyi Zhenren: You’ve got some nerve, Tathagata, claiming he has a connection with you! Bah! I could just as well say Bodhisattva Guanyin has a connection with me…