Yun Yu, the unluckiest cultivator in the Cultivation Realm, couldn't even drink a glass of cold water without choking. After getting struck by lightning for seven days straight, he was finally gifted the [Fortune Fire Sale System] by a bug in the Heavenly Dao. Its greatest features? He could find divine artifacts just by walking, advance his cultivation by taking a bath, and always fall off a cliff and find a secret manual when being chased. It even came with seventy-two clans' saintesses lining up overnight to submit dual-cultivation applications...
"System, what happened to cultivating in peace and keeping a low profile?"
"Host, you just triggered a spiritual qi revival by farting. The neighboring herb garden has turned sentient."
"...Uninstall that passive skill that automatically attracts female cultivators!"
Faced with the Immortal Realm's daily battle royale, a national jade seal that insists on being his adopted son, and a sword immortal partner who keeps suspecting they're being cheated on, Yun Yu wields A Five-Year Tribulation Survival Plan and Three-Year Practice Exam in his left hand, and a kitchen knife swiped from the Demon Venerable's kitchen in his right. He carves out a bloody path on the Immortal Realm's trending charts: #MyLuckIsSoGoodTheHeavenlyDaoIsChasingMeForBackTaxes, #TheEntireThreeRealmsThinkImAPlayer, #TheDemonVenerablesLightningRodShopHasHalfOffToday!
This book is also known as The Story of How I Became the Three Realms' Beloved by Faking Accidents, Can You Cultivators Stop Trying to Wreck My Kidneys, and This System Is Clearly Overpowered but Such a Drama Queen. A friendly reminder: Don't read this while undergoing a tribulation, or you might laugh so hard the lightning strikes crooked.
