Ghostly Underling of the Yellow Springs: Eating Guanyin Clay in the Three Kingdoms

Yellow Springs Ghost Soldiers: I Eat Guanyin Clay in the Three Kingdoms [On my first day as a Yellow Turban, I chowed down on steamed buns soaked in human blood] Programmer Wang Chuang transmigrates to the final years of the Eastern Han dynasty and becomes a doomed Yellow Turban foot soldier on the battlefield at Changshe. In a field of corpses and starving bodies, he swallows millet cakes mixed with Guanyin clay, only to be roped into a suicide squad. The instant he binds to the War Simulation System, he sees how he will die three days later: burned to a crisp in Huangfu Song’s fire attack, with a Han army arrow lodged in his left eye. “If Heaven wants me to become an evil ghost, then...” He draws maps in human blood across the backs of corpses and poisons the Han army’s water supply with corpse toxins; steals the Red Hare while Guan Yu is warming wine, then snatches Yu She’s head from beneath Hua Xiong’s blade; spikes Dian Wei’s liquor with penicillin, then discusses poison dosages with Zou Shi amid the flames at Wan Castle. In this chaotic age, where people devour one another, he is crazier than them all. The Xun clan of Yingchuan denounces him as a “cannibal general,” so he sends plague-ridden corpses into the ancestral tombs of the great families; Cao Cao praises him as a “genius of troubled times,” and he smiles as he pours arsenic into the wine: “Prime Minister, did you know you’ll die of headaches in the future?” As Jia Xu shares human liver with him over drinks, he sighs: “The dark art of war you taught me has, in the end, been turned against you.” [System alert: Host has seven days of life remaining] When he leads the Netherworld Ghost Soldiers to storm Luoyang, the Imperial Jade Seal in his arms suddenly turns red-hot. The imperial fate he stole beneath the Seven Star Lamps is turning against him, Zhang Jue’s corpse dragon, left behind in the underground palace, is about to awaken, and for the first time, the mechanical voice of the War Simulation System sounds almost human: “Host, it’s time to settle the score...”