Honkai: Star Rail: I Become Acheron's Disciple from the Start

The writing is good, but there are indeed too many things that can be picked, especially the time and details. It is really a bit different from Star Iron. For someone like me who is half-originalist, it is simply treason. The plot is very good, but the supporting characters, background introduction, and appearance time are a bit long. They should be in one or two chapters. After all, people from the same planet will not appear often in the future. It should not take nearly ten chapters to write about their backgrounds and personalities. It would be better if they can be integrated into the details of the plot. The focus of the supporting characters should be on those beings who can accompany you along the way, especially a map character who will never be seen again, let alone ambiguity. Also, finally downplay and marginalize your b aura settings. Except for the mysterious destiny of Star Iron, everything else is technology and hard work. Your b Dantian and aura are really atmospheric. Whatever you want to write should be taken from some settings of Xingtie, instead of just using a name to cultivate immortality when your head is hot. It is boring and inconsistent. Finally, there is the protagonist. You cannot complete the whole map without a few highlight points for the protagonist. Usually there is a small highlight point in at least ten chapters. In addition, your protagonist is not invincible, so there must be growth during the journey, not only in terms of strength, but also in character. The other thing is the goal. The protagonist's goal should not just be for Huang Quan, even if she is the heroine or the savior, because such a protagonist is empty and the goals are other people's, so why live for others? If you live for others, then the protagonist should have sunk into nothingness. After all, living for others should be burdened with wishes. Jing goes further, instead of taking a vision as his own life, which is a sad and nihilistic thing. This is the role of the protagonist's growth and goals. Witness the events and scenery of the journey, and establish goals. Even if it is a goal of cutting off nothingness, it should be the goal set by the protagonist himself, not Huangquan's goal. And if you really want Huang Quan to be the heroine, just to repay the favor and complete Huang Quan's goal will not move this kind of woman. Forcibly writing it will only violate the OOC. After all, you can't be a housewife. It is better to write like-minded comrades on the same route, and then exchange feelings for each other. Although it is cliché, it works. All in all, that's it for chronological order, Star Iron setting, supporting character issues, protagonist growth, and goal setting. Think about it carefully.

What a mess. I don't understand that the description of the supporting characters should be divided into the main lines of the protagonist, rather than starting a new chapter.

Forehead. . It seems weird to write Star Iron 🤔 in the shell of a fantasy novel, and it is too outrageous to enhance the abilities of ordinary destiny walkers. A fictional historian walker who is not a messenger can observe other people's timelines at will.

It's okay, but it's too harsh. Let's concentrate it a bit.

Alas! When the previous perspective shifted to the two girls, I felt that the story and writing were very good. After the protagonist came out, my feeling completely changed! In short, I feel that the description of the protagonist is very lame and not interesting at all!

Not bad, yes. One suggestion is to reduce the description of the background of the planet. Writing group portraits is difficult, so reduce the number of characters. Chapters 16~25 are the background of the first planet. Don't watch it and it won't affect the next plot. If you really feel bored, you can skip directly to chapter 25 onwards.

Isn't anyone reading this book? The author worked hard?

The author has carefully understood the background of the materials and rare objects, and the description of the fighting is okay. Five stars.

There are too many portrayals of women

There are a lot of wrong settings. If you don't care about the settings, you can take a look.