It Doesn't Matter If You Don't Forgive Me

It is particularly practical. For me who was in confusion and pain, it was like a bright light that allowed me to see myself and the things around me clearly. I was finally willing to believe that I was a pleaser. My pain was not groundless, not self-made, nor was it because I was too pretentious. The hurt I suffered was real. It is a very good book. I recommend that people who are in pain read more.

For people with a higher level of CPTSD, this book is worth buying a paper version. Just like what is written in the book, the work of re-nurturing your inner child may involve two steps forward and one step back. The situation is repeated over and over again. The healing methods given in the book are also progressive. Some methods are not suitable for people at all stages, but you will find that you have a strong resonance with a certain part of the book. Finally, I want to say that even though I have been an adult for many years, my bad family members are still hurting me. You always have the right not to forgive, but please let yourself go. You must save yourself from fire and water thousands of times.

When reading this book, there are always one or two passages that bring me into a flashback state, so I relax, accept my flashback, and let the tears flow. After crying for a while, new inspiration will burst out, as if the switch of limiting beliefs in your mind is turned on, and you will become more powerful and relaxed. I shed a lot of tears in the past two days while reading the book, but I told myself that there is no shame in this, and there is no shame in my desire for hugs and physical contact. This book helped me accept myself better.

This book resonated with me very much. It mentioned the trauma in the process of growing up, which many people may have experienced but find it difficult to talk about. Just like a friend of mine, she was often ignored by her family when she was a child, which has led to her now always feeling insecure in relationships. This book gives those of us who have gone through similar experiences an outlet, letting us know that it's okay not to forgive, but that the important thing is to learn to heal ourselves. 🤗

At the beginning, when I saw the comments written by others, I always felt that they were exaggerated. But when I continued reading to the last page, I found that they were indeed true. This is a book about self-healing, just like its introduction. But it is somewhat different from the books I have read before. It explains the world view and provides a methodology. Forgiveness starts with forgiving the self who has been hurt, and giving up a series of self-attacks. It doesn't matter if you don't forgive the suffering, because we need to spend our whole life healing our childhood. It is not your fault, but you deserve to live better♥

I have always felt that my condition is very different from what is described in most psychology books. I have broken down time and time again but received advice from them to forgive me. It is really despairing. It wasn't until I came across this book that I realized that I had gotten sick just by following what was written in this book. It's not my fault, so why am I guilty? It is never too late for a gentleman to take revenge, and it is they who should pay the price. As for what's the reason? That's something for the judge to consider.

The author is very serious about sharing his experience with readers in this book. Putting himself in his shoes, I can see the warmth of the text and the author's delicate inner emotions. The author mentions mourning yourself several times, which is an effective way to properly handle flashbacks. The author gives examples of various psychological hints and proposes different coping methods for different emotions. During the reading process, I shed tears and broke down emotionally many times. I felt a little sorry for not fully remembering the author's comfort. I couldn't control myself and fell into inner despair many times. The interference from the outside world scared me. I fell into silent crying inexplicably countless times. I also felt helpless and overwhelmed by the weird and aggressive behavior of my family members and the silence of another family member. I have been crying silently these days. Today is my birthday, and they had another quarrel. It was more like a unilateral attack, [crying] [crying], and the continuous vicious curses made me want to run away. My mother always says, "You shouldn't be like this, you have to..., You are wrong again, you are wrong,..." Sometimes I know she is right, but I hate the tone of her voice, as if no matter what I do, it is wrong. I rarely get positive comments, but I hate this. Flashback to past scenes countless times. What is right? [Crying] The author said that it is not necessary to forgive. I was shocked and wanted to cry. Thank you author.

I cried while reading it and had to stop and calm down for a while... The author really wrote it very well. If you don't know how to heal yourself, maybe you can start by using this book, try to understand emotions, and name your emotions. It will make you feel much better.

A very good book, very suitable for people who have experienced verbal or emotional abuse in childhood to help themselves. I hope everyone can have a better self.

It is written very carefully and comprehensively. It is a treasure book for me as a CPTSD.

I have always controlled myself not to recall what I experienced in my childhood. I was afraid of conflict, denial, and rejection, and gradually turned into a hollow person who was numb to everything. After reading this book, I have a clearer understanding of my own state, and I have embraced my helpless self in the past. From now on, I will slowly analyze the influence of the inner critic and the external critic on me to avoid too much interference from them. I believe that the future is promising.

It was so painful to read this book. I burst into tears while reading it and couldn't control it at all. I always recall the scene where I was accused and beaten violently.

Frankly speaking, I read this book intermittently and not very patiently. Maybe it's because I'm too anxious or a perfectionist, so I'm always thinking about the next thing. But sometimes I abandon it entirely to play games. Maybe I'm running away from some trauma; maybe I just don't understand it well, so I find it boring. All in all, I finally finished reading it. The words in the toolbox are very helpful to me, and the words in it will touch me to some extent. I think I'll copy it down and read it over the course of the week. Another very interesting point is that when I was halfway through reading, I was thinking about how to write a review after reading it. I would say it is better than "Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychologist" because it tells us to forgive, while this book tells us "it's okay not to forgive."

I feel so late for reading this book. I am grateful to the author and this book for bringing me the power of rebirth! In the past, when faced with emotional flashbacks and stress reactions, I would only tolerate, dissociate, please, and escape. It was not until a hysterical cry that I began to self-aware and face the root of my emotions. Only then did I get every opportunity to encounter this book and get the chance for spiritual healing. My profound self-awareness actually coincides with some of the contents of this book, but the content of this book is more comprehensive and has benefited me a lot.

The author really understands me better than I do. Many contents that I didn't understand at the time suddenly made sense when I entered my life. I suddenly understood what emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, inner critic, etc. Are. I loved and hated this book at the same time. I hated it because when I was reading it, I felt that there was no end. I couldn't finish it. When I wanted to give up, I suddenly resonated with the next content and was attracted to continue reading. The author's sincerity can be seen everywhere in the article. For patients, he is a very trustworthy psychological counselor/psychotherapist. As the content progresses, I can also feel some changes in myself. When encountering things, I no longer blindly internalize them, but devote my limited energy to the next things and cherish the present. This book gave me a deeper understanding of myself, and I gradually understood why I was so inexplicable sometimes, and I became more tolerant of myself. This may be the self-compassion mentioned in the book. In addition, the mourning discussed in the book is also a very effective way to deal with psychological trauma, and I really recommend it to everyone. I am very grateful to the translator for translating this book. The chapter in the translator's preface may be an example of the translator's learning and application after reading this book. As the translator said in the preface, this book does not contain authoritative preaching. Readers can regard reading this book as a journey of psychological healing. Of course, there is one thing that I think needs to be said. This is not a storybook after all, and it does feel a little boring while reading it. For some strange things in your mind, you can find answers in this book, as well as generally applicable solutions.

Very helpful. I have always been confused about my psychological situation. I cried several times while reading this book, but I felt much more relaxed. It's great to know where the problem is and to find a way forward.

This book is really professional and highly targeted. I specially bought the physical book, read the whole text and took notes and sketches. This is a book that is very beneficial. And seeing that the author is such a professional person and that solving CPTSD requires repeated processes and a long time, I feel relieved. It is very empowering to objectively realize that this kind of blow is serious. However, if the emotional flashback is severe and painful and you cannot watch it anymore, don't force yourself to watch it, take it slow.

It is a very healing book. It is very suitable for me. I feel understood and healed. It is a very helpful book. Thank you very much to the author, and I recommend that other people with psychological trauma take a look. The problem all along turned out to be cptsd. I have always felt that I am one of the few, one of the few with severe psychological trauma. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, collectives, and many things, I am always the "exception". After reading this book, I felt understood, completely understood and comforted. The book also provides many methods for improvement. Thank you so much for reading this book!

It didn't really help me much, it could even be said to be of little help. Because I have researched and explored them (my own symptoms, my trauma, and CPTSD) myself. Although I am not a professional, I should be able to understand it. The content in it is at best confirmation for me, and these are not helpful to me. But just because it doesn't help me doesn't mean it doesn't help others, nor does it mean it has no value. Because it is not helpful, I will not bother to read a book that is of no use to me, so I only read the front part and skipped to the middle point. The most important thing I can feel from the content I have read is the author's gentleness and thoughtfulness. The author can be called a "people-friendly" person in the true sense. During the dialogue, he did not deliberately chat warmly, but continued to narrate in a way that put himself on an equal or slightly lower level than the readers but not humble (similar to a psychological counselor squatting down in front of an injured child). A feeling as gentle as spring breeze. Of course, again, this is my true feeling, but it is just my true feeling. It does not mean that it can make everyone feel such a good feeling. It is not surprising that it does not feel good, it is just the difference between everyone. As for its professionalism, I am by no means a professional, and of course I cannot and should not comment. But as far as my personal feelings are concerned, it is the same as what I have learned myself. It is a logical and organized book. And the need to celebrate the greatness of its existence itself. As the author and translator of the book said, CPTSD is really not well-known and not taken seriously compared with PTSD. I only learned about this term for the first time a few weeks ago or even later. It is obviously a great blessing to have a good book written specifically for it, and we need to thank those who have made efforts to allow us to see it (of course, those directly related, if not the scope, all humans on the earth are related to this book). What needs to be stated is: this is not a "cure-all" book. Its function is to help you understand, sort out, and guide you to explore your own symptoms. It is not a book that will 100% help you solve your problems. Some people may even find it unhelpful or even counterproductive after reading it. This is normal.

It's very pragmatic and healing. It's a good book that I like very much.

When I feel confused, I will read this book, and I feel that I can calm down and think about my current emotional state. Although it is difficult to think clearly at the moment, it is like planting a seed, which will one day slowly take root and sprout.

I experienced a flashback event yesterday, and I really saw the person who triggered my flashback, so I decided to cut off contact with him. I know that he also has many childhood traumas, but I am not the cause of his trauma, and I am not the one who bears his trauma. The person who is really responsible for his own trauma is himself. I also feel indifferent, but I think I need to be responsible and healed for my traumas, and there is no need to take care of him, because he gave me a lot of trauma, which made me suffer for two years. I seriously reflected and healed myself, and wanted to help him, but he wouldn't listen at all, so I gave up yesterday. Everyone has their own cause and effect. I am not his cause, let alone his savior. Today he came to save me, almost addicted, but my reason pulled me back. I didn't want to endure his various misunderstandings and neglect of me, so I still insisted on my inner choice. My aunt who arrived on time today and the love from my parents make me feel so happy. I believe that I will get better and better, and I will realize myself and become my true self in the future❄️ ——2026.2.26

Thank you very much for this book. Many of the words in the author's book are very gentle and very touching. In the past, I would always unconsciously engage in some very awkward behaviors. Even though I knew what the right thing to do was, there was always a kind of resistance that prevented me from making choices. Thanks to this book, I have a better understanding of my own trauma, which allows me to care more about myself, get along with and comfort my own stubbornness. I believe that I will live a better life in the near future, believe in myself more, and let the inner critic interfere less with my life.

You don't have to forgive, but you can choose not to suffer anymore

People who read this should not think that anyone in life will understand this. This book has only 74,000 clicks and has been downloaded more than one billion times on Tomato. Even if 100 million people have downloaded it, the probability is less than one thousandth. I think the biggest curse of my past injuries is not my illness, poverty, loneliness, low education, etc., But this trauma. This problem is so serious in society that it is difficult to exchange labor for wages, so we must take care of ourselves.

A great book, but the title held it back.

Thank u! You are my ultimate hero!

I have never admitted that I am a pleaser, and I once thought that I was not trying to please anyone, but little did I know that my whole life from childhood to adulthood was all about trying to please. I suppressed my emotions and thought about others. I thought this was my advantage. Now it seems that I am just deceiving myself. Isn't it just to please others by suppressing my emotions and thinking about others? I am afraid of the consequences of releasing my emotions. However, if I keep suppressing my emotions, problems will arise. And blindly thinking about others will make others think that you have no temper and can be bullied and manipulated! It seems that we need to know more about ourselves

It was the first time I read this kind of psychological book. I thought it would be boring at first, but after reading it, I also got a lot of help from it, understood myself better, and learned ways to release myself.

Nice. Really stop blaming yourself and having so many doubts about yourself. None of it is your fault, all hurt deserves our attention, hurt should be seen, and should be healed. This book allows you to see your own hurt and heal it.