Longing for You, Waiting for You

On the winter solstice, three years after we first met, my older sister recognized me. That gentle sister who called me her little sister. I brought her home, taught her how to protect herself, and gave her someone to rely on. Eventually, she could protect herself, had someone by her side, and had a place to go. But by then, like the young man before him, I would have to remain in Shifangzhou forever. Xiao Yao, 【Little sister, your big sister is here. I'll always stay by your side.】 … I still remember how he carefully held my hand back then, brewed tea for me, took me out to bask in the sun, and made me laugh freely. For a long time, he let me simply be myself. Even though I later lost the joy I'd had in my youth, and he put his clan first, those memories alone were enough to sustain the broken bond between us. Feng Long, 【Only after dark do I dare come see you, with all this love overflowing inside me.】 … He and I had been by each other's side for so, so long. We'd supported one another since we were two little children. Between us, everyone except my sister was an outsider. We were family, kin, brother and sister, but we could never be lovers. So I helped him fight for power, helped him plan, and gave everything I had to help him. Much later, he climbed step by step to the highest position. But the three children who once played outside Chaoyun Hall could never be found again. Cang Xuan, 【I thought you'd stay by my side forever.】 … The morning sun rose, warm and bright. His smile was the purest I'd ever seen. For the first time, I met someone so gentle and sincere, who came close to me without a trace of ulterior motive. He used to handle me with the utmost care, as though I were a precious treasure. Supporting my arm, he told me obediently that if my eyes never got better, he would be my eyes. But later, he was Tushan Jing, and I was no longer the blind Shi Qi from Qingshui Town. Tushan Jing, 【I like you. I really, really like you.】 … When I first met him, he was so very thin, so fragile he looked like he might shatter at a touch. Back then, I rescued that small, frail man and brought him home. I nourished him day after day with jade marrow and lingzhi, and somehow, he pulled through. After that, everyone said I had a rabid dog at my heels, one that had chosen me as its master. He taught me self-defense, protected me from behind, and treated me as the only one who mattered. For many years afterward, I would rather he had been Fangfeng Bei than Xiang Liu. Xiang Liu, 【I regret not telling you sooner that I loved you too.】