Why Home Hurts People (Million-Seller Commemorative Edition)

It's very interesting. I didn't understand before why the women in the female videos always had a sense of resentment. After reading this book, I realized that many girls have resentment in their hearts and naturally express it.

Read it in one sitting. Home is a harbor, love is a retreat. If there is no feeling of rest at home, and if other people's fake love can fill the void in the heart, then the couple needs to review each other. Fortunately, I come from a family where there is no shortage of love. Faced with all kinds of trivial matters, I can still maintain my marriage and live in harmony with my family. I am also anxious about my children's studies, but not very nagging. My children describe me as a gentle, sensible and open-minded mother. After reading this book, I will continue to learn, pay more attention to my partner, and make fewer unnecessary friends. More trouble for yourself, less trouble for your children.

After reading this book, my inner emotions are diverse, but more of them are joy. I am glad that I was still young when I read this book, because I often don't understand why I sometimes behave incorrectly, but I found the answer in this book. It allows me to intuitively feel the psychological truth behind my behavior in infancy, childhood, and now. I began to consciously analyze my own psychology, retaining the good and changing the bad. I began to look forward to the future, hoping that I could create a dynamic self. Live your own life!

Really, it is very suitable for middle school students to read. The fourth part later successfully inspired me. It is really inspirational. The author's analysis of some psychological issues is really great. [Send heart][Send heart]

Falling in love allows us to truly understand that we are an independent person, and our partner is another person who is as independent and important as ourselves. Moreover, we also deeply understand that these two people who are independent of each other can get along with each other extremely closely. "

1. "So, what is true love? Seeing the child's true existence, discovering the child's true needs, and helping the child realize his needs is true love. " 2. "If a child has no secrets, the child will never grow up. If parents decide everything for their children, they are killing their children's lives. " 3. "You can say to your children, children, please enjoy life from now on, and you don't have to wait until you are admitted to Peking University and Tsinghua University." 4. "Remember: If you truly love your children, please respect their independent space, please let them make their own choices, and please do not kill them mentally." 5. "Home is a harbor, love is a retreat." This book is really good, it can not only help yourself, but also save your children.

This is the psychology book that I have read so far that is the closest to life, the most realistic, the most touching, and the most informative! Watch early and benefit early!

It made me feel a little touched about some emotional issues that I didn't understand before. Abnormal relationships come from abnormal families. I hope everyone can live for themselves

The analysis is very profound and very close to life. The author quoted a lot of examples to analyze the Chinese family. Some parts touched my heart very much. Reading this book is like talking to a great psychologist.

Everything has a cause and an effect. The saddest thing about this family issue is that everyone is right, or in other words, they don't deliberately do what they think is wrong, but almost everyone is hurt. Because of love, or because of fear, he keeps the child under tight control. Because I care, or because I am competitive, I send my children to private cram schools. Happy people use their childhood to heal their lives and become happy throughout their lives. Unlucky people use their lives to heal their childhood and become stronger. But no one in this world is born to suffer injustice, but this world is never fair. "Heaven and earth are unkind and regard all things as stupid dogs." I hope that with the continuous development of society, more people should understand themselves first, heal themselves, and then have children, so as to give their children a happy psychology and a healthy childhood. In addition, children, the biggest lie in the world is to control your life in the name of love. You are you, an independent individual, not an accessory to anyone.

Maybe after reading this book, I will read it again in the future... I have always felt that my family is not a healthy one. My parents treat us in a free-range manner. They don't know what advice to give us. Most of the time, we make our own decisions. My father works outside all year round, and we have very little contact with him. It is our mother who takes care of us, but my mother easily suppresses us, denies us, and does not praise us. In my eyes, my sister has good academic performance and a stable job. After working, she has added a lot of things to the family, bought clothes for my parents, and appears every time when I need her. In my mother's eyes, she is still dissatisfied. You can imagine how bad my brother and I were in the eyes of our mother, so even when we grew up, my mother's praise or anyone's praise would feel hypocritical to me. When I was a child, I felt that my home was very warm. I had a loving father and mother, older sister and younger brother. My father and mother also loved each other very much. My father was very good to my mother. I don't know when I started to realize that this was not the case. My parents would sometimes complain to us about each other and dislike each other, but they would never separate. I don't know how my sister and brother feel. I feel very insecure and no one will support me if anything happens. I know that I have psychological defects, poor endurance, low self-esteem and sensitivity, a habit of pleasing others, and cannot stand criticism from others, even suggestions. When others make suggestions to me, my first reaction is anger. I care about other people's opinions and am afraid of conflict with others. I worked for a while before and found that with a personality like my own, it was really difficult to stay in a company for a long time. It was too easy for me to become internally exhausted. It was only after I graduated that I discovered that I didn't know how to draw boundaries with people around me. For example, if a conflict arose with someone I had known for a short time, it would make me anxious and make me unable to sleep or eat well. I just want to show weakness and compromise with the other party to eliminate this anxiety.

The relationship between husband and wife is the core relationship of the family.

Very good book, can give people a lot of inspiration. It is suitable for most Chinese people and is worth reading. It may solve some problems or gain insights and understanding. May every inner child be treated with tenderness.

Forgive yourself for the seemingly stupid things you did in the past and the self-righteous things you said. Forgive your parents for things you find difficult to understand and things they don't respect you for. Because China rarely has a normal harmonious family, parents with sound personality, and the ability to express emotions normally. They themselves don't know whether they have truly grown up or whether they are just bodies ripened by time, so they cannot give themselves much help. Then my imperfections are normal. All I need to do is take care of the child inside me, and then work hard to develop my own career and complete the experiment of adapting to society. The most important thing is that I need to love myself, Come on!

Regarding this book, I think it is good. It is not the victims who need to learn, but the perpetrators. Too bad they'll never see it. While I was seeking answers, I was also thinking. It is the parents who should learn, not the grown-up children. They don't have a broader vision, they don't take the initiative, and they don't have time to find answers. Then the matter itself can only fall on us. We are just children born in the 2000s. We have matured, but we are still children after all. After watching 2/3, I still feel that I was born in a "toxic" family, and my thoughts will also cause my child to be "toxic" as well. If a person has power, then he will not want to give power to someone who is inferior to him. This is the case in a small family, so the child has no voice, cannot think, and the baby cannot feel pain... But we are human beings after all, and children can also have thoughts. They get along with adults as equals. What adults don't understand, children understand. One cannot just be alone and be lonely. I don't want to be alone, but how do I break this cycle?

It's a very good book. If you have children, read it. It's a very real problem that we have to face.

A must-read book for children, a must-read book for parents, and a must-read book for Chinese people

Some of the insights about family relationships in the book are very practical. Everyone's personality is slowly formed over time. The kind of person you grow into is closely related to the surrounding environment. Especially the parents with whom we have a natural bond. If the parent-child relationship is not handled properly when we are very young, we will have late "rebellion" in adulthood. For example, "people are always trapped in the things that are not available to teenagers." Like the strange eggs that were delayed for more than 20 years, they were not allowed to have when they were children. When they grow up, they buy them, but they are no longer as persistent as before. But the hurt feeling at the beginning will always be buried deep in the heart like a brand, and it needs to be healed slowly.

Therefore, people are tired of living, and when they get to know themselves, they find that they are even more tired. They have to achieve both themselves and their children. If they lose themselves or step into the future on the road to achieving their children, each step forward is the growth of themselves, and it may also be the growth of the children. As parents, we are inherently problem children. In this process, it will be better for parents and children to grow together...

"Why Family Hurts" was recommended by a psychological counselor on the radio a long time ago. The book explains how the bad relationship between parents and children at home can distort a person's psychology, and truly explains why "unfortunate childhoods require a lifetime of healing." Perhaps in the world of many adults, especially parents born in the 1980s and 1990s, they feel that it is enough to raise their children and do not pay attention to their psychological conditions at all. Perhaps in that era of material scarcity, all the time and energy were spent on solving the problem of food and clothing. Nowadays, living conditions have improved, but many people are mentally unhealthy. The devils that were once suppressed in their hearts will always come out in their free time, disrupting their current thoughts and lives.

When I grow up, I want to copy my childhood to make up for my childhood, and when I have the financial ability, I want to make up for my inner child, even if it's a cup of milk tea or a piece of cake. The absence of relatives in my childhood made me insecure, and I would think about possessing him/her, developing a psychological dependence on my father or mother. Deep down, I knew that he/she was not my father/mother. Slowly you will understand that the problems between your parents are theirs, not yours, and you cannot take sides. The problem between you and your lover is between us, not your parents or mine. It would be unfair for any party to get involved. Love is also divided into family love. You cannot treat love as family love. Once you bring your lover into the role of family member, you will turn back into your inner child and ask him to love you and tolerate you unconditionally. Then the contribution and the return will not be directly proportional. If one party gives and the other takes, sooner or later the relationship will collapse. The best love is that you and I are both independent individuals. You can tolerate me and I can tolerate you; he is my support in times of difficulty, but I will not rely on him for the rest of my life. Rebellion in adolescence stems from changes in family life. Children who lack parental love desire to be recognized and loved by their parents, so they engage in rebellious behavior and attract their parents' attention. For this behavior, parents can change it by caring and guiding their children's behavior; children do not need to use the worst way to achieve their goals, calm down, think about it, and try to communicate with their parents. Even if the parents' behavior is inappropriate, parents love their children deep in their hearts. When you are confused about a problem from your own perspective, you might as well look at it from the perspective of others. As the saying goes, "Those who are in authority are confused, but those who are onlookers are clear."

First of all, I am very grateful to Tomato for providing a reading platform that allowed me to successfully read this book! I have read this book a long time ago, but because I am not very interested in the title, I always feel that home can hurt people. Just didn't read in depth. Later, I accidentally saw this book again, and I became more and more addicted to reading it... The reason why I was reluctant to read this book after seeing the title seems to have found the answer in the book, such as "foolish filial piety", "catering" to the projection of the "inner child", etc. While reading and connecting with real life, various problems can actually be traced. Although you are not cured immediately, you can still be inspired and guided, and you can continue to adapt and cultivate yourself in the future course of life.

There are ways to heal family trauma. It systematically elaborates on the common patterns and influences in families and intimate relationships. When reading, I discovered the truth of some things in my memory and retrieval, and saw the past that I had even forgotten. It made me face them, and slowly understood how I became who I am today: it turns out that everything has traces to follow. I no longer blame myself blindly and am full of resentment. Instead, through this book, I discover myself, become aware of myself, and heal my scars.

I feel that the process of reading is a new understanding of family and love. As I read, I recalled and healed. It's really a wonderful experience, and it's also an enlightenment in psychology for me. All in all, I have benefited a lot and I will recommend it to people around me!

Put off your review and devote yourself to reading this psychological work. I think I deeply understand why I have a desire to control, and I also understand that I have hurt my ex, but I also deeply understand the pain in my ex's heart and understand that he is not the truly right person I want. I think love is not about catering or demanding, "love is deep understanding and acceptance." I finally understand why my ex "tolerated" me during the relationship (never truly expressing himself, just treating me as a tool to overcome childhood suffering), pretending to "care" for me, so I couldn't feel that he loved me, because he really didn't love me, but the trauma in his heart was there, and I was the object of his resistance (resistance to his mother's control), so he couldn't feel me, and only thought that he could tolerate me. Finally, he couldn't tolerate me anymore, so let's break up and end it. He is very rational, and seems to have won the victory that he did not get in childhood, but unfortunately I am truly loving him. In this process, I keep facing myself and reflecting on myself. I want to give him everything I have, and I also analyze my own fragility, but he cannot see it and does not want to understand it, because I am just a tool, nothing more. It's great. After we broke up, I could loudly tell myself that I had no regrets. Although I also had childhood trauma and didn't consciously project it to him, I think he never really understood me. He just wanted to endure it. What he wanted most was the victory, more than the reality of loving me. He even said that this victory was destined from the beginning and that he loved me zero (this obviously underestimated the surge of emotions, but luckily it really was zero. Yes, he was very rational. He felt that I made him suffer, so just ignore me and avoid me. Since My inner feelings from the beginning to the end made him speechless from his perspective. His only enemy was me, and I was the source of his pain, so it was zero.) All I wanted was to grow together and fight those vulnerabilities together. What a pity, and I really did everything I could. Although this process was mixed with the shadow of my childhood, I tried hard to express myself every time. It was not that I wanted to be seen by him, but I just wanted to tell him that I am real and you are real, okay? It's just a pity for him. His victory is based on a person who truly loves him, that is, me. I wish him all the best, cheer for his victory and give him a thumbs up! Everyone's growth is different. I don't force anything, I just feel happy for myself. In this process, I finally understand that love is so bright. No matter what, I will continue to love this world and the people I want to love. I think my ex is just a key to unlock my vitality. I thank him for the love feeling he gave me and my courage and determination to work hard for it without regrets. Everything is the best arrangement! Now I have to do what I want to do now, and it still feels really good. I continue to grow and face it. Thank you to everyone I meet (no matter things or people, I want to say thank you💕) ————2026.1.3

Why does family hurt people? It's because many injuries are very subtle, including physical injuries that are visible, and even deep-hidden mental injuries. Those emotional catharsis in the name of loving you, those invisible moral kidnappings, make you feel guilty and suppressed that it is all your fault. It is because you are ungrateful and ignorant. Being angry and sad is not allowed. I wonder if our country can establish a child protection mechanism at any time and have the right to deprive some unqualified parents of their custody rights. Will it cause parents to reflect on their children's education? But the current situation is that we should really reflect on it ~

I have benefited a lot after reading it. I have realized that I have many shortcomings in family and parent-child relationships. I hope that I can slowly change myself, find my own shortcomings, face my own shortcomings, and slowly make myself better and better. I hope more people can learn the content and it may save more families and parent-child relationships.

It's a good book. The description of children and family relationships helped me define the chaotic period of my six years in junior high and high school, and I suddenly realized that this was what it was all about. It is not a five-star book review because the author's analysis of an example in the first chapter is very one-sided. In the second chapter, he does not agree with the view of separation and delivery. The author's analysis of this view is unconvincing and the examples are inappropriate. I wrote a long book review of these two places in a memo, but it turned out that I couldn't copy it. [Cover face]

The previous cases were incomprehensible, but the latter cases made my heart ache. The tears kept flowing. I feel particularly aggrieved. Because of my family of origin, my parents' conflicts, and my parents' expectations of us, I suffered from severe anxiety and depression. I now understand the source of all my problems. Our family has always had a peaceful relationship because of this reason. I want to buy this book as a gift to my parents. If you want to improve relationships, everyone has to make changes. The change for parents is that I hope they will realize their problems and then make changes. My change was coming out of the abyss. Love yourself well.

Good book, but the more I read, the more helpless I feel because I am a student Many views in the book subverted my knowledge and helped me understand the nature of family members and family disputes. However, I am now in the third year of junior high school. What is the use of knowing it? I know that some things may not be my fault, but what should I do? Change my parents? Illiterate people who are stubborn and prejudiced, are they likely to read this book? How should I put it? Actually, I don't blame them. My parents are very good to me, but there are some problems that cannot be solved. As a recent example, I was in the third grade of junior high school, but I was very tired of studying and had no motivation to study. However, I worked very hard in the eighth grade and ninth grade. I even ranked first in my year group in the ninth grade. However, after the winter vacation, I really didn't want to study. After reading this book, I thought maybe It was my father who was too strict with my studies, which made me rebellious and unwilling to learn. I liked playing basketball and wanted to buy basketballs, but my father was afraid that it would affect my studies and would not allow me to buy them. Even if I read too many novels and books, my father would tell me that the next three years or so would be very important for me to focus solely on studying. I'm tired of studying. I'm less anxious (maybe because I haven't taken the exam yet) and more numb and powerless.