This Panda Has a Conscience, But Not Much of One

[Hilarious panda chaos, spectacularly caught in the act] I'm a giant panda, and in my previous life I was a little hoodlum. That fine character trait stuck with me. From the start, I activated the “Good Panda, Good Deeds” System. I get rewards for doing good deeds, and getting me to do even one is harder than reaching the sky. So I started by escaping from the zoo to go do good deeds. And, to my shame, here's the next good deed I did. One day, I was helping an old lady cross the street. Her eyesight was poor, and she claimed I'd knocked her over, then demanded two thousand yuan right away. I figured that as a panda, I had no money. But I'd heard panda poop was worth a fortune. So right then, I... The old lady may need the rest of her life to recover from what happened next. There's another shameful incident, too. A young man confessed his feelings on the spot and got rejected. His goddess said she only liked rich men. “I like riding in a Lamborghini, not some beat-up Wuling Hongguang.” “Getting in your car today was already a favor to you. And you think you can hit on me? What makes you think you're worthy? Even my dog is worth more than your car.” Could I just stand by and let that happen? As a priceless treasure, I calmly and casually climbed out of the car. I stood beside the man. I couldn't talk, but I made it perfectly clear that I was his pet. Can you imagine the looks on the crowd's faces? Can you picture the goddess's stunned expression? But... I forgot that I'm a protected animal. “Then the guy got sentenced, too.” “Sentenced to live with his mom.” “This author's blurb is really lousy. My panda life is so impressive, and he thinks he can sum it up in just a few words?”