I Am Your Grand Martial Uncle, and I'm Really Not Pretending to Be Invincible

"Granduncle, the Willow Leaf Sect has sent a hundred Qianyang Pills. They ask you to help their Grand Elder overcome his tribulation."

"What are Qianyang Pills supposed to mean? I'm not going."

"Granduncle, the Valley Master of Thousand Flowers has come in person to ask you to help him overcome his tribulation."

"Does this Valley Master of Thousand Flowers have the looks of a celestial immortal? How old is he?"

"Granduncle, he's over seven hundred, exceptionally handsome, and likes men."

"Pfft! Tell him to get lost."

"Granduncle, there's trouble! The eldest daughter of the Valley of Thousand Flowers is here! She says if you won't help her father overcome his tribulation, she'll stay here and refuse to leave."

"Granduncle, there's trouble! The Hundred Sects Conference has invited you to be a judge."

"Granduncle, there's trouble! The Thousand Alliance gathering has invited you to give the opening address."

"Uncle-Master, my menstrual flow has been unceasing lately. I'm afraid my tribulation is imminent. Please help me."

"Brown sugar, hot water, and red dates. Come back in three days."

"Uncle-Master, my flow has stopped, but the lightning tribulation is near. Please help me."

"At midnight, I'll help you. A little lightning tribulation is nothing to worry about."

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.