The City's Strongest Trash-Talking System

“Willow God, the duck at my house was so furious after you scolded it yesterday that it died this morning, bleeding from all seven orifices!”

“Willow God, the bull at my house lost faith in life after you scolded it. It threw itself into the river this morning.”

“Willow God, my celebrity daughter came to her senses after you scolded her. Today she cried, threw a fit, and threatened to hang herself, insisting she has to marry you.”

“Willow God, are you even listening to us?”

Willow God looked up at the sky, unmoved by the words of those around him. With an air of supreme composure, he said, “That cloud up there is blocking my sunshine. I'm wondering whether I should bring it down.”

Everyone: ...

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.