I Really Never Meant to Be a Scumbag Taoist

To avoid being brainwashed, Zhang Yufeng is forced to return to his old profession: becoming a Daoist priest. But nobody in this world believes in Daoism! With no other choice, he starts a livestream. "Hey, everyone, free fortune-telling! If I'm wrong, you don't pay. If I'm right, send me a rocket."

His first caller is a beautiful woman who was cheated out of her money and virtue by a scumbag. Zhang Yufeng makes a few calculations. "Your left eye is tinged blue, and there's a hidden mole in your marriage area. You've got a peach-blossom curse that's going to cost you money. You'll meet someone new within three days, but their surname has the Wood radical. Remember, their surname has the Wood radical!"

Three days later, the woman shows up in the livestream with her new boyfriend and sends ten rockets. His surname is Lin.

From then on, the name "Zhang the Half-Immortal" takes the internet by storm, and beautiful women flock to him: a rich woman looking for her cat, a celebrity who has been cursed, a CEO whose ancestral tomb is apparently glowing with good fortune... Zhang Yufeng forms hand seals and chants incantations while screaming inwardly, "System, damn you! All I want is to deliver food in peace!"

The System replies coolly: "Mission issued: Take on an apprentice within three days. Requirements: Female, at least 85 points in looks, and must not be a ghost."

Zhang Yufeng: "...Are you sure you're a Daoist sect System and not a dating System?"

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.