If I Am Unhappy, the Whole World Will Begin to Suffer

On a rainy night, I was kicked out of the house by my gold-worshiping girlfriend and the rich second generation, so I bound myself to a god simulator. I casually named the universe "Mercury retrograde", thinking it was just a tool to vent my anger. Until my ex-girlfriend cried and knelt in front of my newly bought villa: "Please, take back the curse!" I looked at the message on my phone that said, "Believers pray: let the scumbag man and bitch woman suffer misfortune." I fell into deep thought. A month later, the global weather bureau collapsed: the scientific name for all disasters is "Mercury retrograde." Three years later, when the alien fleet invaded the earth, I sat in the starry sky and smiled at the frightened alien commander: "Welcome to my universe—where Mercury retrograde is the cardinal rule." This novel and its characters are purely fictitious. Any similarity is purely coincidental and should not be imitated.