A Lazy Immortal's Guide to Cultivation

After dying suddenly from working 996, Lin Xian opens his eyes as an outer disciple of a third-rate sect in the cultivation world.

Good news: No more office work.

Bad news: The rat race in the cultivation world is even crazier. People scramble for morning dew to meditate before dawn and squat on cliffs at midnight to absorb moonlight. Even the pigs in the spirit-beast pens have learned the Wind-Riding Art just to fight over feed!

Lin Xian pulls out his thermos and brews goji berries. Compete? I know all about that, but I'm not taking part.

While others pop pills, he snacks on sunflower seeds. While others fly on swords, he rides a rocking chair. With his hot-bun talisman trick, he becomes the mysterious old monk sweeping the cafeteria. His signature art of shrinking space lets him dominate the sect's morning market as a vegetable seller. An elder laments, "A genius from Spring Breeze Sword Sect formed a golden core at eighteen!" Lin Xian pulls his little blanket tighter. "Poor thing. At least I learned to take paid bathroom breaks at eighteen."

Then one day, demonic cultivators attack the mountain, and the sect leader kicks Lin Xian straight onto the battlefield.

Trembling, he pulls out his broom. "I really don't know how to fight!"

And then he smashes the Demon Venerable's life-bound magic treasure with one swing.

The whole sect's eyes widen in shock. "What the hell, he's only at the Golden Core stage?"

Lin Xian runs for his life, clutching his head. "I told you, the broom swung first!"

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.