Report from the Penglai Cultivation Incident Bureau

The cultivation world has collectively given up after its spiritual energy ran dry, so Penglai Academy has pioneered the "Emotional Cultivation Method": the louder you laugh, the stronger your magic, and your silliness rating determines how high you ascend. Lu Xiaofan, a construction worker who chews on the bricks of the teaching building, awakens the Heaven-Devouring Taotie Art. Su Jiuli, an escaped Terracotta Warrior from the Archaeology Department, digs through the First Emperor of Qin's 5G mausoleum and finds Wi-Fi. Cultivator-programmer Zhuge Ergou writes a 996-blessing algorithm for the heavenly tribulation.

At this cultivation university:

The library's sentient problem sets chase people around, shouting, "Get back to grinding!"

The alchemy furnace curses and spits fire in protest against overtime.

The principal turns tribulation breakthroughs into esports livestreams.

The Nine Provinces Cauldron is secretly refining the academy into a milk-tea-sized personal treasure...

When a team of foodies, old antiques, and coders joins forces to save the world, they'll have to face spatial rifts cleaved open by the cafeteria auntie's wok tosses, surprise dorm inspections by the Dean of Students, a descendant of Zhong Kui, and a curse of social humiliation sealed in the earth's ley lines by a sorcerer two thousand years ago. To save the world, they'll need to:

Teach a female sorcerer from the Qin Dynasty to use PowerPoint to roast the principal.

Stop the Taotie male lead from eating all the final exam papers.

Catch the meteorite version of the "Heavenly Dao's Make-Up Exam Notice" with a school badge.

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.