The Strongest Patrick Star in History

We, the residents of the Krusty Krab, pledge ourselves as witnesses:

I, Patrick Star,

With my left hand, I absorb the stars and bring all things to ruin.

With my right hand, I open Heaven's Gate, and all worlds submit to me.

I, SpongeBob SquarePants,

Have a sword

That can split the Krusty Krab,

Part the sea, cut rivers, and cleave mountains!

I, Squidward,

Genius musician, uniting sound and image, returning to the pristine truth of the Ninety-Nine.

I, Mr. Krabs,

Gold transforms into wings, wealth flows onward. I am first in alchemy, an ancient crab who opened the golden current.

I, Sandy,

Flesh is frail, so let us ascend through machinery. I stand at the peak of science!

I...

We beseech the heavens and swear to defend Bikini Bottom with our lives!!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.