The Imperial Brat Zhu Gaoxi

Damn you, you thieving heaven! I spent the first 25 years of my life eating, drinking, having fun, causing trouble, and doing every bad thing imaginable, yet I lived safe and sound.

Then I did one good deed, the first act of kindness in my life, and I kicked the bucket. I refuse to accept this! Give me my life back!

And the worst part is, I was killed by a little punk with an apple he'd only half finished eating.

You thieving heaven, were you doing this on purpose to mess with me?

I refuse to accept this! I protest! I've knocked walnuts open with my forehead before and been totally fine.

How could this damn apple kill someone? Newton got hit on the head by a whole apple, while half an apple took my life!

This novel and its characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Do not imitate.