The Era of Great Zhou Rites: Confucius, I Urge You to Learn Something Better

Su Ye, 27, is a laid-off operations worker known online as "Mr. Knows a Little About Everything." He's a professional arguer, with nothing but a sharp tongue to his name. His most outrageous argument was: "Bring Confucius here. I'll give him a few pointers in person." Then he opens his eyes and finds himself crouched in a drafty old house in the state of Lu. Across from him, an old man with cloth patches showing at his elbows stares at him as if he's an idiot. "You said you want to lecture Zhongni?" But he doesn't get to choose his class. With a head full of modern jokes, he sneaks into Confucius's school as the oldest transfer student under the sage, nearly gets into a fight with Zilu, and sneaks cakes to Yan Hui. Then he discovers that everyone in this godforsaken place is a "one-line quote scholar." A casual plainspoken remark can spread throughout Lu and be used to browbeat the common people, while an offhand bit of nonsense can enlighten a sage and send 2,500 years of intellectual history careening off course. He explains "ritual" as rules that let people live, "observing ritual" as not using status to prey on others, and "learning and practicing what you have learned" as having something good to eat before getting back to work. Then he sees a fighting cock topple a state, a ruler flee in panic to Qi, and his own words, "I have to change this world," turn from a joke into a calamity from which there's no turning back. From twisting a line in the Analects to twisting his way into a path to supremacy over all under heaven. Confucius, I suggest you learn something good.