The Immortal of Ink and Snow

#(Yawning)#(Yawning)#(Yawning)#(Yawning)#(Yawning)

I came from Tieba (a Chinese online forum). Here are some suggestions I made as I read, so they may be incorrect. Please forgive me: 1. Don't jump straight into the setting at the beginning. The numerous place names are confusing and make the reader impatient; it's too drawn-out. Instead, focus on the key points, such as explaining the "Ink Rhyme" of Jin, what the Fox Plum is, and the cultivation system. Many readers will still be confused after reading the first chapter. 2. The loss of a loved one is glossed over. What could have been an important background and motivation for the protagonist is now merely a background element. 3. The female lead's interactions with the old man were too overly familiar; she asked for things as soon as she woke up. A more gradual approach would be better. Also, if possible, the old man's motivation for being there could be explained; otherwise, it felt very unnatural by the end of the first chapter, making him seem like a purely functional character. 4. There are some layout issues. 5. If the female lead is not a time traveler, the writing style and expression in the first chapter should be age-appropriate, reflecting her young age. 6. It is recommended to keep the perspective fixed and minimize perspective changes, otherwise it will break the immersion. 7. Absorbing the essence of men and women—I can't say for sure about this setting. 8. The female protagonist seems omniscient and can afford to pay with immortal stones. Although she has reincarnated many times, I really don't know what she reincarnated into. If she did reincarnate, then why did she kill herself last time? It makes no sense. What exactly is the female protagonist's situation? Her cultivation level and mental age are unclear. 9. "He" or "she"—be careful to distinguish them clearly and use the correct term. Otherwise, you might think they've been reincarnated and changed genders. 10. Getting new eyes is a big deal. Why did the female lead get them? It's not clear yet. Revenge? Cultivation and leveling up? Or simply becoming stronger? 11. No main storyline. Is the main storyline about romance? Revenge? Cultivation and leveling up? Or what? In summary, the current problem seems to be that it's too broad and lacks focus, with very little effective information. I suggest streamlining it, highlighting key points, and connecting them to the main theme. Finally, good luck! #(Kira)