I'm Really Not a Jinchuriki

I swear, my jutsu, Kato Yu's, just had a tiny little problem.

Obito: But ever since then, you've been trying to be my dad!

Kakashi: Same here!

Tsunade: H-he's really so gentle. I'm actually crying.

Sure, we're a little far apart in age, but I don't think that's a problem.

Orochimaru: I'll destroy Konoha! Come forth, First Hokage, Second Hokage... Wait, what's going on with you guys?

The other jinchuriki have tailed beasts sealed inside them. I'm not a jinchuriki, but I'm even better than one: all kinds of strange beings have appeared inside me, and even...