The Disaster-Plagued Marvel Universe

(I dedicate this story, and my embarrassingly poor writing, to the memory of the late Stan Lee.)

[Everyone has had a dream. What's yours?]

My dream is to become a superhero.

Years later...

[There's been a shooting in xxx district. This is your chance to become a superhero.]

"Get lost! I'm not! I didn't! Don't make things up! I'm not that chuuni guy! You've got the wrong person!"