This Is Not Magic at All!

"Mr. Chris, may I ask why you're so powerful?"

"You're asking why I'm so amazing. I could've just said, 'No comment,' but then you'd be unhappy. What am I supposed to do?"

"Doesn't it feel a little like everything's been rigged in your favor?"

"...I have a feeling you're all doomed sooner or later."

I want to tell a completely absurd story in a very serious tone.