In Tokyo: The Fools Here Are Far Too Lovestruck

Have you been to Tokyo and written about Tokyo? Some things are scribbled and taken for granted.

Unbelievable, I helped a machine sign my name to perform an abortion.

Watching it showed me that I am autistic. There is an option in the front. If you refuse to sign for abortion, a mysterious person will give the protagonist 500,000 yen. I think it is Murata Ayaka, a customer who happens to have no children, to give the protagonist a thank you fee (I guess Ayaka is in the red light district. Aisha went into the sea to support Hanako), I still preferred this option, Aisha no longer has to go to the sea to make a living, but it turns out that the mysterious man is a beast who deceives girls and makes videos to threaten, so he chose to become an accomplice. I really deserve to die. It's a bit uncomfortable to show me autism 😅, I have to slow down.

I think your problem is that you write about Murata at the beginning, and the plot at the beginning is basically about her. This is very inappropriate. Logically speaking, when writing a supporting role like this, which is bound to be controversial, one should either change the character to make it less controversial, or put it later, and then write three or five chapters and the matter will be over. There are too many flaws at the beginning, including the fact that the identity of the senior Dongda must be deliberately concealed. If you read what you wrote earlier, don't you feel like God's will comes to you? It's fine if it's about an important heroine's plot, but it's obviously unflattering content. There is also a question, why is the introduction of the system so unnatural? There is obviously a very natural way to bring it out, but the Riddler misunderstood the explanation during the process, and did not explain the relationship between the characters clearly. There is obviously an opportunity to ask directly and clarify the matter, but you In this way, the plot directly becomes the protagonist interacting with the system instead of directly interacting with real people. It is as if the system can only have a conversation with people when it publishes content. The content of the conversation must also be strictly limited within the scope of the system. Isn't this forcing writing something unnatural? Of course the above is just my personal opinion, but I couldn't stand it after reading 10 chapters, so I wrote it.

I took a look, and the issue that got the most complaints was about Murata Ayaka. It is not on the shelves yet. Koi cannot get character cards, so I would like to make a special statement 😭. This article has an outline. Murata Ayaka is positioned as an important female supporting character [tool person] in the early stage. Her role will be around 150,000 words before she completely disappears. Readers, don't worry, just watch it for fun. (It is said that the protagonist accepts a singer, the attitude of the protagonist is very obvious, look down on it!) Moreover, the female protagonists in this article are impossible to accept, this article is [double heroines], double acquisitions. Koi is still a xcn and still has some beautiful fantasies about love, so the two heroines must be absolutely pure. Readers don't have to worry about this. In addition, based on feedback from readers, Ayaka Murata's role has been urgently reduced! Finally! This article is about fetal wear! Then if you have any strange questions, just ask them directly. Koi will read every comment! Dear readers who see this! I wish you all will make a fortune and meet beautiful and infatuated idiot girls! Thank you Koi!

So far, I think it's okay, that is to say, the number of words is too few, I can't tell what the protagonist wants to do, and the main plot is too weak.

I wrote a few words in front of it, and I wrote too much description about her. It makes me look ex.

It's really hard not to misunderstand something by starting out with such a long chapter about a heroine who has an abortion whose charm is slightly lower than that of the heroine.

How should I put it? I have been deliberately ignoring pregnancy, but I still feel uncomfortable. This kind of poison affects the experience very much. If I were a female supporting role, I wouldn't need so much space, describing such exquisite appearance every time.

This is the first book for a newcomer. If you find something strange in the writing, just tell me directly! Please everyone! Studying hard. JPG