Late and Silent

My name is Shen Wan. My mother said this name was unlucky - "late" means not being able to catch up with anything. So she taught me since childhood: abandon others before others abandon you. Turn around before you get hurt. Before you hear "I'm sorry," say "It's okay." I learned very well. I can read impatience from a punctuation mark and guess the coming ending from a silence. My sensitivity is a disease and a weapon. I used it to protect myself and also to stab anyone who tried to get close to me. I fell in love with a man who couldn't speak. He would put his military coat on my head on rainy nights, but he would not explain why he disappeared for a month. He would save up money to buy me a red scarf, but he would not say that the girl delivering milk tea was just an ordinary friend. It's not that I don't believe in him, it's that I don't believe that I'm worthy of being loved. So every time I can get closer, I choose to retreat; every time I can ask for an exit, I choose to remain silent...