Rebirth 1981: Pick up the Shotgun and Hit the Mountains

The bad is greater than the good. Let's talk about the advantages first: You wrote an interesting shell, but the meat in the shell is very minced, and the advantages are buried among the disadvantages, which are almost invisible. Let's talk about the disadvantages: 1. The sense of age is not enough. In the first scene of a rebirth period novel, there must be a sense of age that comes from the beginning. This sense of age depends more on the scenery and the description must be detailed. Talking about a movie, "Charlotte's Sorrow", Charlotte rushed downstairs, came to the street, looked around, and felt a sense of age. Why did the director arrange for him to come to the street? There is no motivation for the character's behavior. My personal feeling is just for the sense of age. 2. Saliva. This chapter is almost entirely filled with dialogue. The dialogue content accounts for about 3/4, I don't count, it's just based on feeling. It's not that most of them can't be dialogues. The premise is that the dialogues must have flavor, but your dialogues have no flavor and are straightforward. It's not that I can't write straightforward narratives, it's that the first chapter is not suitable for straightforward narratives. 3. What about conflict? There is a conflict in what you wrote. The aunt wanted to borrow money, but she didn't pay it back in the end. The protagonist needs to stop it. Question 1, why didn't he come forward directly? But go to the eldest sister first? Question 2, the conflict is resolved in the first half of the chapter, what about the hook you give the reader? Question 3, the hook you left is that the protagonist went to chop wood, but the reader knows that he has been reborn, so he is sensible. This hook does not work. Question 4, what's next? Readers are used to the days of straightforward narration, so they read novels to enrich their inner lives. 4. Where is the hook? You might say that the aunt will come back later. No, no, no, I want it now. I, a person who comes to read your book specifically, can't finish reading the first chapter. How do you get readers to open the second chapter? No follow-up = no hook. No matter how good your subsequent writing is, readers will not read it because you discouraged them from reading it in the first chapter. Clear? To summarize, you need to have a picture in your mind first, and then you can write the picture. Do not slobber throughout the article, and the slobbering does not show enough emotional tension. To put it bluntly, the uncles playing chess downstairs in my community were more noisy than the first chapter you wrote. Finally, I would be honored if my comment helped you. If my comment makes you stop writing, that is not my intention. Come on! 😡