Velocia Fantasy Adventure

Let me tell you the problem directly. First, information density. You have too many words in each paragraph, and they are very similar in reading. Divide them into paragraphs. A paragraph of 50-100 words will be enough. Two, punctuation marks, how can we use this [ ] symbol in dialogue? Shouldn't quotation marks "" be used? Third, the opening chapter, a common mistake made by novices, is to pile up settings directly at the beginning, various introduction backgrounds and power systems. No one likes to read the setting, the opening chapter must tell a story! As for the rest, I didn't read it because you started with various settings and I was too lazy to read any more

Did you use AI 😰

It's amazing. It's over 600,000 words. It's already exceeded 99% of people.

It's not good to divide it into paragraphs, and it's not good to start the story either. Start with the protagonist's perspective first, and then intersperse the background worldview to lay out the world view. You will directly persuade them to quit.