After I Jumped into the Lake and Died of Embarrassment, My Childhood Friend Fell for Me

My childhood friend and I were both dumped, so we agreed to jump into a lake together and die for love. In front of the man-made lake on a stormy night, we raised our cups solemnly. “In our next lives, no more being doormats!” We jumped in with a splash, but the water barely came up to our knees. My childhood friend had some kid’s swim ring stuck around his waist, and I was still clutching the milk tea I hadn’t finished. A tattooed old man held up a loudspeaker and cried out in anguish, “Are you two acting out Romance in the Rain or something?” As phone flashes popped in the crowd, the 120 emergency dispatcher replied coldly, “You can’t drown in that. Climb out yourselves.”