The Past That Can't Be Left Behind

I just want to ask, will you suddenly wake up one night and think of me, and then burst into tears and choke up, remembering that you owed me so much? What tone and language should I use to express my miscellaneous feelings, the trivialities of life, the grievances I feel so full of, all the trivial things that I have to say, which are so difficult to pass, I have to stay up night after night, everything is unbearable, and I often stand by the bed and look out the window at night when I can't sleep alone, thinking about all the things I have done, whether I am right or wrong, I am in a daze for half my life, and I am even afraid of being rude even if I cry...