Invincible Journey to the Elf World

Why is there no one here? It's such a good book

After reading two and a half chapters, let me briefly describe my feelings. First of all, long chapters are really difficult to read. There are many places where I unconsciously want to skip, which affects the continuity. Second, the narrative method in some places can be changed. For example, the short paragraph at the beginning of the first chapter is equivalent to a background introduction. It can be seen that the author wants to create a scene where a person and Pokémon live in harmony. However, if it is changed to the first-person perspective of the protagonist, such as seeing the interaction between passers-by, stores and Pokémon on the way home from school, it will be much better than simply describing the scene. Third, the issue of person, the protagonist's name should be Long Fan, right? The reason why I have this problem is that in many places in the article, "youth" is used to refer to the protagonist, and it is only used occasionally. Most of the titles are "youth" and "middle-aged man", which really looks confusing. Fourth, the dual-perspective setting of the second time travel is not bad, and it can also avoid the problem of "does a trainer need to be reincarnated into a Pokémon?" However, the article mentions that people will lose consciousness when acting from the perspective of Riolu as the main perspective, but does not mention the situation of Riolu when the perspective of people is the main perspective - does he also lose consciousness, or act independently? From the interaction between people and Riolu later in the article, it seems that they have their own separate consciousness. If they are all the consciousness of the protagonist, it is equivalent to... Talking to yourself? But if Riolu really has his own consciousness, where did his consciousness go when the protagonist was possessed? This is also a problem with the dual-consciousness setting. There is no daily interaction between people and Riolu. However, after conquering more Pokémon, you can write that you will get to know the Pokémon as Riolu and understand their needs, and then people will realize it and quickly increase your favorability. That's all for now. I accidentally wrote a lot. It seems that I have the same problem as the author, haha. These are just personal opinions and suggestions. How to write it depends on the author. Finally, I hope more and more people will read it. The writing is still good.

I'm here as a writer's assistant, so why was I banned?

There are so few people here, let's take a sip first (´▽｀)ノ♪

I voted for the wrong recommendation, please vote again tomorrow

No matter how good the healing ability of the elves is, it only takes a few days for flesh wounds to heal.

Coming from the station next door, please support me! Come on~~

Cough, I came to check the post, are you at the yard?

From now on, I guess I can only update it on the cat side 😂️, but here I might have to finish it directly. But if I write, I'll keep writing. After all, I'm only 3/2 away from my goal of 3 million words. I will definitely finish it as long as I can. 🙏️

White-feathered Tori Hoshi-kun came to support him.