The Farmer's Daughter and Her Bandit Family

Qiao Qiao has barely emerged from her mother's womb when the midwife carries her over to her father. The baby smacks her little lips and rolls her bright eyes around, looking utterly adorable. Qiao Qiao's father is overjoyed: “My daughter is clearly clever beyond her years. What a smart little girl!” Just as he is beaming with delight, a babyish voice suddenly says, “Daddy, I'm hungry.” The midwife is horrified. Her hands go slack, her knees buckle, and the baby slips from her arms onto the ground. “Ow, that hurt! Are you trying to kill me? Daddy, punish her,” the baby says again in her little voice. The midwife bolts, vanishing in the blink of an eye. From then on, Qiao Qiao is called a monster. Everyone in the village avoids her, afraid of being contaminated by evil spirits. That's just fine by her. At least nobody will bother them. Qiao Qiao's family makes a little money, grows vegetables, threshes grain, and takes the wolf for a walk. That's right, they walk a wolf. They live a carefree life. Qiao Qiao's father says, “Darling, you'll be sixteen soon. I should find you a good husband, but who would dare take you as you are...” “Dad, don't worry. No family could handle me anyway, right? When I'm in a good mood, I'll just go up the mountain and bring someone back myself. You don't need to worry about it.” A certain lord: “Your bandit chief of a brother has been made a Great General Who Guards the Nation. Every leader in the mountains has been given an official post, and all the bandits have been incorporated into the regular army. Your parents could walk all the way from Huima Village to the capital, and no one would dare say a word against them. So, will you marry me or not?” Qiao Qiao: “Yes! If I'm capable of marrying you, I'm capable of making you divorce me!” Wait, that's not right. How did minding our own business and neither stealing nor robbing turn us into bandits?