I Don't Have the Ability to Love You

The fifth year of fighting depression, these five years have been so long that I can no longer remember how despair spread bit by bit, and there was no way to contain it. For five years, I felt shameful and powerless over my unfounded sadness, despair, and fear. I felt extremely exhausted from countless sleepless nights, countless thoughts of dying and getting over it, and countless duels between myself. I just hope to be let go by the hospital, let go by the medicine, and let go by all the powerless emotions. When can I die? Or when will I be redeemed? But actually I prefer the latter