DNA Analyst

21. At the end of last month, the beauty in the company borrowed 1,000 yuan from me and said she would pay it back next month. She said something rude before the salary was paid the day before yesterday. If you become my prostitute, not only will you not be asked to pay it back, but all your salary will be handed over to you in the future. Now I am smoking a pack of cigarettes worth 8 yuan and falling into deep contemplation. Am I being tricked? ! !

23. Two brothers were involved in a car accident while riding a motorcycle. The driver was slightly injured, while the brother behind him was seriously injured and went to the hospital. The police went to the hospital to ask about the situation. The brother looked confused and said: I don't know. I only heard the word "fuck", and then I flew out and woke up here... 😄

22. My boyfriend really paid for the phone bill. I fell in love with a boy and got his number through his friend. I deliberately charged him 100 yuan for the phone bill and sent him a message. He helped me recharge 100 yuan and then chatted. Now he is my husband...😄

4. When I arrived at the company today, I found the female colleague next to me lying on the desk sobbing. I asked her: "What's wrong?" She choked and said: "I'm lovelorn." I felt secretly happy in my heart, and then I patted her shoulder and comforted her: "What's the matter? There are many good men. For example, there is one next to you." "But what about the child in my belly?" Asked the female colleague. At that moment, I felt that it was immoral to take advantage of others, so I withdrew my hand without leaving any trace. 😄

14. I came back from hiking today and passed by a farmhouse that raised pheasants. Suddenly a puppy rushed out and barked lifelessly. Looking at its ferocious appearance, I went up and kicked it over. Just when I was secretly proud of my courage and ferocity, a huge wolf dog rushed towards me. On the hospital bed, I understood a profound truth; when you go out to mess around, you always have to pay back.

15. In my life, I started from scratch with 4 yuan. I bought eight lollipops with 4 yuan and went to the kindergarten to deceive four children. I sold them to human traffickers and made 15,000. I used 1,000 to find a girl, took sleeping pills and harvested her kidneys. I made 220,000 and spent 150,000! I bought body armor, bullets, and grenades through the underworld, and went to rob a bank with a grenade, making a profit of 6 million. When I returned to my hometown, an old lady fell down, and I helped her, leaving me with 4 yuan. 🤭

20. At the class reunion, the male classmate who claimed that he would never get married now has his children. Everyone was curious about what kind of girl surrendered to him, so he recounted the scene of his proposal: "It was my girlfriend's birthday that day. She suddenly ate a diamond ring while eating cake, and then she shyly said He said to me: 'I am willing to marry you. ' Then we got married." After hearing this, everyone expressed that it was really romantic. Unexpectedly, the male classmate sighed: "Yes, even I can't refuse a girl who paid for a diamond ring and hid it in the cake..." 😢

24. When I came out of the corridor today, I saw a little girl in the third or fourth grade on the first floor, tiptoeing with something. I didn't pay attention at the time, thinking she was opening a milk box or something. As I got closer, I realized that she had torn up the contact number of the "Golden Brain" cram school one by one... I walked out of the corridor and looked back at her. She had already moved towards another corridor, her back revealing exhaustion and persistence! 😂

1. The owner of the small shop downstairs recently made his own sauced pig trotters for sale. It tasted good. I went to buy them in the evening and there were only 5 left. I bought them all. The girl who collected the money asked me: Do you eat alone? I said yes. She said loudly: You will gain weight. I said it's okay, just be fatter and stronger. She said softly: Let me tell you secretly, this is not delicious, don't buy so much! I'm confused, what's wrong with this little girl. I said: It doesn't matter, I like to eat. She was a little unhappy. When she was packing the bag for me, she finally couldn't help but said: The boss said that if the sauced pig's trotters are not sold out at closing time, he would bring something back for me to eat...😄

2. Father: If you fail in the exam again, don't be my child. In a few days... Father: How did you do in the exam? Son: Who are you? 😄

5. In the past, in the winter, I liked to put my cold hands into his pockets, and they would feel warm all of a sudden. I have never found such a person since he left me. I was walking on the street just now and my hands felt very cold... [So you just put your hand in other people's pockets? The police asked and recorded a statement. 😄

6. When my wife made me angry, I yelled at her: "If you don't change this problem, I will ask your mother to return the product!" Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law heard this and was nervous, but she heard her say: "There is no reason to return the goods these days when asking for a wife, the most is to exchange the goods." When I turned around and saw my sister-in-law with a blushing face, my heart was drunk. Where can I find such a good mother-in-law? 😄

7. I was riding the subway today. I was really bored and was playing on my phone. A couple came up to the station. I heard them chatting next to me. The woman said that the man next to me was so dark. I looked around, as if she was talking about me. I said nonchalantly: My blackness is only temporary, but your boyfriend's ugliness is eternal. 😐

8. One day my girlfriend gave me a key and a box and said to me: If one day you want to break up with me, just look at the contents and make a decision! At that time, I felt that it should be filled with our beautiful memories! I wanted to open it just out of curiosity, but then I found that it couldn't be opened, so I went to my girlfriend to ask the reason, and what I got in response was her cold look that I can't forget 😄

9. After the class girl graduated, she started her own business. She opened a store and worked hard every day. I had a crush on her and went to her store. During the chat, I said to her: "Why are you so tired? Just say a word and I will support you." The class girl said with tears in her eyes: "The reason why I work so hard is because I am afraid of falling into the hands of people like you." 😄

10. A Buick hit a boy riding an electric bicycle. The boy looked to be sixteen or seventeen years old, and it was not serious. The Buick scratched his head, but the Buick was driving in the wrong direction. The driver was a woman. When we got off the bus, she said something like, boys don't have eyes. The boy said you go, I'm fine anyway. The female driver knew that she was in the wrong and left quickly. After the woman left, the boy took out his mobile phone: "Hey, traffic police? I was hit by a car. The driver got out of the car, scolded me and drove away. I remember the license plate number!" 😄

11. A good brother got married, and another gay friend specially spent 800 to invite a girl from Hengdian to attend the wedding. At the wedding, the girl stared at the groom with tears in her eyes. After staring for a long time, everyone asked her what was wrong, but she didn't say anything and stared at the groom. My brother felt guilty after staring at her. She cried until the moment the rings were exchanged. Cry louder than the background music! Then ran, ran, ran! Got it! 🥺

16. When my brother retrieved his password, his sister-in-law was sitting next to him. The question was: Who was your first love? My brother lost four names, all of which were wrong. At that time, my sister-in-law started fighting with my brother. 😄

18. In the clinical class, the male teacher asked: "Which organ becomes 6-7 times larger when excited?" He asked a girl to answer. The girl blushed and said: "I refuse to answer!" The teacher then clicked on a boy to answer. The boy answered: "Pupillary" The teacher: "Correct!" Then he said to the girl: There are three things to remind you. One is that you have not previewed, the other is that you are thinking wildly, and the third is that you will be very disappointed after marriage! 😂

19. I found that when men and women quarrel, as soon as the man raises his voice, the reason for the quarrel is no longer important, because the subsequent process becomes: "You actually dare to yell at me, why don't you yell at me again?"😄