Underground Castle in Another World

The first chapter after the revision is much better and is already very good, but I think you can delete the second chapter and divide the first chapter into two chapters. I took a look at Chapter 2... I explained all the backgrounds. I'm not saying that it's not good to write like this. I just mean that if you directly explain all the backgrounds, locations, and grievances between races, you can also explain them all clearly, but the protagonist must get into the state quickly. It's not that you can't write. Remember the abbreviation of this kind of thing, just five or six paragraphs, and then leave suspense, why it caused a war, or something else. The protagonist must appear at the first time, and the second chapter will be deleted directly without affecting anything. I have never played dungeons or other world travel. You can also follow the game's routine completely, starting with the novice village, and then upgrading to a more advanced map. You start with a few turns, a few turns... To be honest, it will be very confusing. I have never played dungeons, but what I want to say is that the book must have a story. In addition to the setting, you should pay more attention to the development of the story itself. After all, not everyone has played dungeons. I still prefer pure fantasy games. I have read some before. I rarely watch or pay attention to current games. Maybe the concept is very old, but the book must have a story, and a bunch of data really feels very powerful when released. But other than these... After reading for a long time, one chapter only contains descriptions of weapons and descriptions of wild monsters. It takes up a lot of space. I feel that it is not like an online game, but more like a setting collection. I hope this helps, and bye.

The suggestions will be very long, and of course they are all my personal opinions. There is no need to listen to them all. If you think they make sense, try to change them. If you think they are not what you want, then stick to yourself. Let's talk about the first chapter first. Well, there is too much nonsense in front of it. Many people advocate three golden chapters. The key is to catch the reader's appetite at the beginning. In the beginning, don't waste your pen and ink on useless places. Everything that has nothing to do with the main line or the protagonist can be solved with the simplest method - abbreviation. The rain you wrote first expresses the inner loneliness of the protagonist. OK, this is very reasonable, but you did not write the kind of rain in my heart. The supporting character is Xiong Yongjie, who has a better background than the protagonist. He has a surly personality, sometimes good, sometimes very bad. He is thin and has sallow skin. He should have had too much sex with his girlfriend. Such people have girlfriends, which shows that the protagonist is indeed useless, and then expresses that the world is very unfair. Protagonist: Don't I just have no parents, no house, no car, no savings, and a low salary? Apart from inheriting the thousands of acres of land and millions in savings in your village, what else do you have! Then the protagonist was hit by a car, and then traveled through time, or time travel. Except for the first chapter, I read the rest faster, because I really couldn't understand what was written in the first chapter. It was not so much that I couldn't understand it, but that I had to read it bravely. There are many places in the first chapter that clearly should be divided into paragraphs, but they are forcibly dragged together, causing reading difficulties for readers. The second typo, some people have the impression that the body is rickety, rickets, not, hook. It's okay to bend down if it doesn't work. It's concise and easy to understand, and the meaning is the same. Comments continue, next comment, let me talk about my views on the way to write the opening.

Recently, a new remake of Dungeon 2 has been launched. I am very happy to have this game setting, but I can't stand it for no reason. .

I will write slowly and revise slowly, maybe two chapters today. Those who are obsessed with the authorities are clear-eyed. To be honest, I don't know that there are many mistakes in the novels I have written. It is difficult to correct them. I read them over and over again every day and feel bored. If I don't read them, I don't know where the mistakes are... After reading them... I am afraid that I will not be able to persevere...

Masaka! Is it the dark castle?

Write slowly, I'll take a look at your follow-up plot and then I'll consider whether to write a review.

I came here to read it before and gave my opinions, but now it seems that I can abandon the book. The author should think better of it next time before writing a book.

Well written, with a strong sense of immersion and details in place, great book! Hope to sign the contract soon

I'll go, there's someone writing about underground castles. The game is good, but it's too boring. I haven't played it since I played it for two months.

Brother, your writing is much better than mine.

Dear writer, your new book is very good. I have joined the new book investment group. Please update~