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The more a person wants to settle down, the more God will make him wander and helpless. Two years later, I still can't get rid of that long nightmare and can't live a normal life. Sudden changes swept across, making everything no longer seem far away; including death. After that, while I was wandering and searching, I longed for stability; later, I also had a stable job and the life of a normal office worker. Everyone, including myself, believes that the next step is to marry a wife, have children, and raise a family, a calm and ordinary life. Nightmares keep me awake every night, and the past is still vivid in my mind. I was worried, scared, anxious and angry; the boundary between dreams and reality was gradually blurring. Gradually, I got used to the narrative it told me. Perhaps it was God who guided me to tell what I saw. Humiliating and short, glorious and long; Either without hesitation or reluctantly.