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The one or two months after graduating from college were the period of fastest growth during my four years at college. Many monsters and demons were attacking me overwhelmingly. I kept accepting them in a state of rejection, and then gradually lost myself. Of course this doesn't just mean my love life. I don't want to insert too much of my feelings into the missing partner. Because I met someone who had a richer emotional life than I did. Those stories, to me, are like the rising sun, the afterglow of the setting sun, Loulan at its peak, and the desert full of flying sand and rocks. I have been happy, happy, and struggled and confused.