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This book is a long diary style documentary prose, recording more than 40 days of real life and the author's mental journey: In 2001, the author's young father suddenly contracted cancer without any warning. The author and his family engaged in a futile rescue operation. This is a medical road full of hardships. The author is overwhelmed by the warmth and coldness of human relationships, the turmoil of the world, and the social chaos. The whole work is full of sorrow, anxiety, hesitation, helplessness, sighs and the author's sadness that makes him want to cry without tears. This shows the acuity and activity of people's thinking in a state of extreme pain, especially the profound thinking about "living and existence".