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I dreamed about her for the first time on my 12th birthday. I had never done a serious birthday party before, and I never did it again. It was almost a noisy rite of passage. I wore the little suit made by my mother, behaved appropriately, accepted blessings from my elders, acted like a big brother in front of my cousins, and comforted the noisy and crying children. I was very satisfied with my mature performance. Now I still remember my little adult behavior and surging mood that day - I try not to look back on it, it is not a pleasant memory, it seems like this now. In fact, when I woke up the next morning, my feeling changed. I looked at myself again from a high place, and saw the sheets and body from a low place (I also behaved very maturely in the dream). I lay down in a daze for a moment. Very worried. Her name is Zhang Na, she is five years older than me.