~~Self-interested Fishing System
~~Childhood sweethearts + age difference~~
After her business failed, she wanted to find someone to relieve her frustration. It would be best to guide her out of the predicament. It seemed that a bamboo horse was the most suitable person.
He has a handsome appearance, a calm mind, and an extraordinary temperament. Although he is rich, he has a good temper.
The most important thing is that rewards and punishments are clear, you will be ruthless when you should be strict, and you will be gentle on your knees.
However, she fell in love with Zhu Ma and broke up.
She tried to ask, but he didn't refuse. He just asked her with his deep eyes: "What do you want me to do?"
Si Qingyan also had no experience, so he used an inappropriate metaphor: "Have you ever taken care of a child?"
The bamboo horse smiled: "Why are you looking for me?"
Si Qingyan said bluntly: "You coax me and do it... It feels the most."
~~~Small Theater~~~
Mr. Shi is a gentle man and rarely loses his temper.
Miss Si often teased him and teased him, but he always looked like he was accommodating.
He still looked up at her affectionately, as if expecting someone to slap him.
One afternoon, Miss Si went to the study to look for Mr. Shi and found him lying on the sofa with his eyes closed and concentrating.
He quietly went over to take a peek at the handsome man, but he didn't dare to kiss her, so he only dared to stare at her for a long time.
Until Mr. Shi woke up and severely punished Miss Si.
She was not convinced and asked why, only to find out that he was angry because she did not kiss him firmly.
Reunion of exes | Reunion after a long absence | Ambiguous pull and pull | Sweet and sour intertwining | Pampering in the new year
1v1, double c, He, six years age difference
Purpose: A broken heart can be healed by love.
Reader comments
I've been feeling very anxious lately. After reading this article, I was soothed by the words in it. It rubbed my heart into submission, and I was able to fall asleep beautifully again [pink heart]
That's right, death education and physiological education should be taught to children early
This kiss pierced my heart.
Hi, here I am. I have collected and finished reading the first three chapters. After all, the first three chapters are an important beginning to attract new readers. Here are some small suggestions that I think are great. If the interpretation is wrong, the author please ignore it and just accept my praise haha.
[Plot Highlights] The rhythm of the first three chapters is quite smooth. There are several places that I think are great:
(1) The heroine has a three-dimensional character. Although she was disappointed after her business failed, she also has the tenacity to face reality. She is independent and humorous. She is good at "breaking up" but has a delicate character. She is very flesh and blood.
(2) Ex-boyfriend: Shi Yuanming's return setting is very natural. Did the "illusion of being watched" at the airport give a hint? The subsequent reunion scene was not too deliberate either. He was very restrained and allowed the characters' psychological activities to continue to drive the plot.
(3) Funeral parlor setting: I think this is very cool. There are very few background settings like this in the early stages. Moreover, this scene is also connected to Si Qingyan's pastry skills, especially the scene in the end where she comforts the bereaved family with pastries, which is very contagious.
[Fine-tuning suggestions] The following is a personal opinion, the author can refer to it:
(1) The impact of the breakup can be exaggerated: the breakup of the male and female protagonists seems to have a great impact, but the first three chapters only mention "crying for three hours", and then the heroine returns to normal. Although this can show her tenacity, if a little struggle or emotional contrast can be added to her psychological activities, such as details such as whether there is an instinctive "escape" or "wanting to speak but can't speak", for example: "She clearly thought she had given up, but the frequency of her heartbeat was still out of control, like the feeling of being thrown into the ocean when we broke up... She subconsciously clenched her fingertips to remind herself to breathe."
Or the male protagonist's reaction can be a little more subtle. Although he is a mature and calm image, which makes the female protagonist's emotional fluctuations more obvious, I think it can be subtle to make the male protagonist have a slightly unnatural reaction, such as: his eyes stay longer than usual, but he deliberately looks away / his voice is lower than usual, with a little unconscious pause / his fingers seem to be slightly curled, as if he is controlling himself not to do something, etc. Small details can make the male protagonist's emotions more intriguing, rather than "completely calm", otherwise the female protagonist's emotional ups and downs may be a bit too one-sided.
(2) Some psychological descriptions can be more streamlined: the psychological activities in some paragraphs are a little lengthy, especially when recalling the past or self-analyzing, such as her reaction in the car when she learned that Shi Yuanming returned to China. Although these descriptions can show her state of mind, if they can be more concise and avoid excessive repetition, it may be more compact and the reading will be more powerful.
(3) The suspense is laid out in a more structured way: The suspense in the first three chapters is currently mainly focused on "the return of the ex-boyfriend" and "the future development of the heroine", but if a "more tense hook" can be left at the end of each chapter, it may be more attractive to continue reading. For example, if the end of the second chapter was not "she realized that Shi Yuanming didn't want to recognize her at all", but a subtle move by Shi Yuanming hinting that he actually still cares about her, it might be more interesting.
[Final remarks] The opening of the first three chapters is already very good! Big thumbs up to the author! There is a clear relationship between the characters and emotional foreshadowing. At the same time, the setting of the funeral home also brings freshness to the plot. I especially like the scene where the heroine comforts the bereaved family members with noodles, which is very impressive.
If the emotional entanglement between the male and female protagonists can be more deeply portrayed in the follow-up, and the rhythm of psychological description can be polished in detail, this work will be very attractive and worth looking forward to!
Teacher, here I come! I can fully see it and look forward to it!
It's really sweet. There should be a detailed and in-depth version!
Oh yeah, an old acquaintance is here to make a guest appearance, please wipe the Internet and become popular!
I don't know why, but my wife's words make me feel light but warm at the same time. I like it so much [Come on] [Come on]
It's hard for you to write, hard for me to imagine, hahaha
Habit and indoctrination, oh oh oh, you are the one who dotes on your protagonists
I've been too busy lately and finally got around to it. It's beautiful!
Warfront...? [Fear]
I don't know why, but my wife's words make me feel light but warm at the same time. I like it so much [Come on] [Come on]
Hormones in the body related to mouth, hahahahahaha
I've been feeling very anxious lately. After reading this article, I was soothed by the words in it. It rubbed my heart into submission, and I was able to fall asleep beautifully again [pink heart]
That's right, death education and physiological education should be taught to children early
This kiss pierced my heart.
Hi, here I am. I have collected and finished reading the first three chapters. After all, the first three chapters are an important beginning to attract new readers. Here are some small suggestions that I think are great. If the interpretation is wrong, the author please ignore it and just accept my praise haha. [Plot Highlights] The rhythm of the first three chapters is quite smooth. There are several places that I think are great: (1) The heroine has a three-dimensional character. Although she was disappointed after her business failed, she also has the tenacity to face reality. She is independent and humorous. She is good at "breaking up" but has a delicate character. She is very flesh and blood. (2) Ex-boyfriend: Shi Yuanming's return setting is very natural. Did the "illusion of being watched" at the airport give a hint? The subsequent reunion scene was not too deliberate either. He was very restrained and allowed the characters' psychological activities to continue to drive the plot. (3) Funeral parlor setting: I think this is very cool. There are very few background settings like this in the early stages. Moreover, this scene is also connected to Si Qingyan's pastry skills, especially the scene in the end where she comforts the bereaved family with pastries, which is very contagious. [Fine-tuning suggestions] The following is a personal opinion, the author can refer to it: (1) The impact of the breakup can be exaggerated: the breakup of the male and female protagonists seems to have a great impact, but the first three chapters only mention "crying for three hours", and then the heroine returns to normal. Although this can show her tenacity, if a little struggle or emotional contrast can be added to her psychological activities, such as details such as whether there is an instinctive "escape" or "wanting to speak but can't speak", for example: "She clearly thought she had given up, but the frequency of her heartbeat was still out of control, like the feeling of being thrown into the ocean when we broke up... She subconsciously clenched her fingertips to remind herself to breathe." Or the male protagonist's reaction can be a little more subtle. Although he is a mature and calm image, which makes the female protagonist's emotional fluctuations more obvious, I think it can be subtle to make the male protagonist have a slightly unnatural reaction, such as: his eyes stay longer than usual, but he deliberately looks away / his voice is lower than usual, with a little unconscious pause / his fingers seem to be slightly curled, as if he is controlling himself not to do something, etc. Small details can make the male protagonist's emotions more intriguing, rather than "completely calm", otherwise the female protagonist's emotional ups and downs may be a bit too one-sided. (2) Some psychological descriptions can be more streamlined: the psychological activities in some paragraphs are a little lengthy, especially when recalling the past or self-analyzing, such as her reaction in the car when she learned that Shi Yuanming returned to China. Although these descriptions can show her state of mind, if they can be more concise and avoid excessive repetition, it may be more compact and the reading will be more powerful. (3) The suspense is laid out in a more structured way: The suspense in the first three chapters is currently mainly focused on "the return of the ex-boyfriend" and "the future development of the heroine", but if a "more tense hook" can be left at the end of each chapter, it may be more attractive to continue reading. For example, if the end of the second chapter was not "she realized that Shi Yuanming didn't want to recognize her at all", but a subtle move by Shi Yuanming hinting that he actually still cares about her, it might be more interesting. [Final remarks] The opening of the first three chapters is already very good! Big thumbs up to the author! There is a clear relationship between the characters and emotional foreshadowing. At the same time, the setting of the funeral home also brings freshness to the plot. I especially like the scene where the heroine comforts the bereaved family members with noodles, which is very impressive. If the emotional entanglement between the male and female protagonists can be more deeply portrayed in the follow-up, and the rhythm of psychological description can be polished in detail, this work will be very attractive and worth looking forward to!
Teacher, here I come! I can fully see it and look forward to it!
It's really sweet. There should be a detailed and in-depth version!
Oh yeah, an old acquaintance is here to make a guest appearance, please wipe the Internet and become popular!
I don't know why, but my wife's words make me feel light but warm at the same time. I like it so much [Come on] [Come on]
It's hard for you to write, hard for me to imagine, hahaha
Habit and indoctrination, oh oh oh, you are the one who dotes on your protagonists
I've been too busy lately and finally got around to it. It's beautiful!
Warfront...? [Fear]
I don't know why, but my wife's words make me feel light but warm at the same time. I like it so much [Come on] [Come on]
Hormones in the body related to mouth, hahahahahaha