You said that you would rather the hurried back downstairs that day was not you. In fact, when you saw the scar caused by escaping from debt collection, your tears fell first before your brave words. You would rather marry someone you don't love and seek help from the person who caused your misery than say "I love you" to the person you love.
Purpose: The prerequisite for speaking harsh words is to have a lover who understands your hard body and tearful heart.