This is the first time in my thirteen-year writing career that I have mustered up the courage to write from a first-person perspective. Because of the childhood trauma I suffered, I have been afraid to show my true emotions in my works for a long time. I habitually hide myself in one character after another, or disperse myself into characters, telling them from a third-person perspective, sympathizing with them, and thus letting myself go in disguise. But this time I decided to face the shadow of my childhood and write out the nightmare of more than ten years word by word from my own perspective.
I can't tell whether it is to increase readability or because I am still escaping. The novel I am about to write is not a realistic novel, but a quasi-martial arts novel transformed from the reality I have experienced. You can say that I hide my sensitive self under the skin of martial arts, or you can say that I long for power that cannot be obtained in reality, and revenge with blood that cannot be achieved in reality.
The ending of this novel is undecided, because this is my personal novel, and I want to grow up with the protagonist in the story. If my story is not over, her story will not be over either. The ending may be happy and free, or hatred may turn into hatred, or the dust may settle, or one may walk alone, who knows.
In addition, I don't want my protagonist to be too perfect. Being bound by morality and standing on the high ground is not the "ordinary girl" I want to create. She will make mistakes, she will be entangled, and she will blame herself. Many of the mistakes she has made are still unforgivable to her.
Intention: feminism, realism