I have benefited a lot from here. Here I feel the gap between my petiteness and others, and my own incompetence and helplessness. They, the winners in my eyes, are so far away from me and so unfamiliar. It was the gap that woke me up from my sleep, and it was the gap that made me fall from the top. The sense of frustration mixed with fear was getting closer and closer to me. For a moment, I didn't know what I should do. Nearly twenty years have passed and I don't know what I have gained or what I have gained from my hard work. Everything has been ruthlessly obliterated and disappeared without a trace because of this gap. The taste of happiness has been replaced by pain, and the joy of success has been replaced by failure. It is they who, with smiles on their faces, reflect my insignificance and my cowardice. I faced the black world and wandered away from the world.