Can I Not Be Brave?

………… I am used to looking at the bright red and fiery blooms of the flowers I raise with dull eyes, and then they will decline irreparably. I am used to watching the sunlight covering the flowering balcony a little bit at noon, and then leaving quickly. I am used to watching birds flying around in the blue sky on the balcony when the sun is gone.    Twenty-year-old me, Fang Ruoqi, has become accustomed to flowers fading and blooming.